I've been a very bad boy

Bugger.  I was being so good.  Yoga everyday, working in an environment without drink where the only promiscuity was between the local dogs.  Then Goa came along and reminded me of the dark side.  So the month before I train to become a yoga teacher I’ve been doing no yoga, hanging out with non veg girls with tatoos (controversial) and, having a bloody marvelous time. Highlights include:

• I return to the land of Poor Intimacy 

 

• I preach Sex Ed 'Justin Timberlake' style
• I say goodbye to some very special people 
• I am James Bond (for those of you who didn’t know already)

  

(please note this picture was taken before I started eating Indian cuisine)

• I finally start to find myself and get TURBANATED
• Love marraige vs. Arranged and...I find religion
• You get the chance to win a prize (aswell as reading this blog - you so lucky ;) )
• +++ GOOD NEWS +++ After all my winging in my last blog I got a 50% refund from my Hotel from Hell in Goa (see the review here)

Being back in the jungle was just what I need after the madness of Goa. Walking around in a perfect climate with beaming children saying Namaste Kriiiis and the thud of the local puppies finding their mobility against the back of your leg once in a while.  The mealtimes were hilarious.  You walk into a room of 200 children eating and feel like you are in a human bidding war as they all smile as hard as they can to have the foreigner sit next to them and then after doing the routine 'what is your name' pretty much ignore you (I am less interesting than rice!).  

As I might have mentioned before, I love the home of 18again, Bangalore.   There were some downsides though.  My fundraising colleague (who keeps reminding me that he is now studying an MBA) maintained his cultural naivety   On the first night in the hotel he put coffee and milk 'inside' the kettle and boiled it.  And at a grand old age of 25 I had to tell him how to use a western toilet, every night.  To put it simply, the twin room had an odor like a sleeper train and in the end I had to tell him to use the toilet sitting down.  Was it a challenging week? Erm, Yes.

Day 1 of Bangalore meetings I was suffering from a slight overindulgence in the Bangalore nightlife.  After a few hours kip and news that our driver (as an NGO we get a driver and car donated :) ) had cancelled we had to jump into a Rickshaw and head to do a shoot at a famous actor's house.  For those of you who have travelled in a Rickshaw you'll know that they aren't the best place to dictate a script for a film shoot on your laptop.....in a foreign language   To top it all off we got totally lost (normal) and the Rickshaw driver got out to get directions and forgot to put the brake on and the auto rans down the hill (not normal)

 

Me after 4 hours sleep chatting with legendary Film director, actor and poet Girish Karnad.  


The rest of the week in Banglore involved meeting senior policy staff in large corporates to partner with the school project KSV.  Last time we were there we met +150 companies in one week (speed networking) this time we met only 6 but they were the big guns and it was a great week for KSV.  One of my favourites was HCL, one of the largest Indian computer firms.  We had had a meeting cancelled and whilst my colleague (Mr MBA) struggled with the complex world of switching on his computer I decided to try and get some on spec meetings.  Electronic City and Whitefield are business parks that have both had terrorist attacks and are constantly getting threats so there are guards at all the really large corporates behind sandbags with machine guns.  Something, I hadn't seen since visiting Syria and quite out of place among all the polished educated Indians.  HCL was no different, with big signs stating 'Present Photo ID' at Security Gate.  Everyone was stopping.  I didn't have my ID with me so I walked straight pass security and to reception where I asked to see the CSR Director.  I only got 5 minutes of his time but my visitor pass was #007 and they never did a security check on me.   Another classic was that as the largest LCD producer in India they have DELL LCDs at reception :)

When you spend time working with someone in a hotel room you get to know that person pretty well. I'm guessing whoever I share a room with generally gets to know more about me than I know about them but that's the joy of being an only child right?!  So I tell Mr MBA all about my life and I learn about arranged marriage vs. love marriage in India and I try to mix that up with some of the cultural chats I've had with the more liberal Indians I have met here.  I won't bore you with the details but after a philosophical chat I ended up lshowing my colleague the below Justin Timberlake video.  I really hope I haven't ruined his honeymoon....

Note.  I respect the cultural disparity between the west and most of India.  I've had lots of chats with very conservative people here and the party crew and just felt the time was right to introduce The Lonely Island to India :)

On the sleeper train coming back I thought I was being a legend by being the first to jump on (as it was rolling into the station) to ensure my bed.  However, in my moment of pride I got overconfident and put my luggage under the seats (normally the premium spot) before having a look around.  Only issue was I'd packed my breakfast in there (I was in the Boy Scouts) and there was a rat colony on the carriage. 3 bananas full of teeth marks.  Lovely.

My last few days in at KSV were amazing.  I finished all my fundraising governance training and am confident I've taught the team to 'fish' ie developed a sustainable programme, put some solid fundraising processes in place (inc raising a fair amount of cash :) ) and taught myself alot about patience (...I still don't have much).   I had taken photos of kids in the school and people from the local village and as most of them don't have photos, let alone of themselves I printed them all off and took them round the village.  It was my Bob Geldolf moment as I had a stream of screaming kids skipping behind me and was promised chai at every house I made my photo delivery too.  I gotta admit, quite a buzz.  Here are a few of the +150 snaps:

Me having chai with Enok

Sujata ,the little girl I sponsor at KSV.  And me wearing socks in 30 degrees (the jungle had made my feet sick so I was looking after them!)

 

Some of the kids in the local village

The below video is a little taster of the school.  Most children are doing their academic studies so it's very quiet but you get the idea.  It's a pretty special place!

(note that Volunteer Marie was having a bad day due to the Monkies raiding her room - she is not normally zso grumpy)

The last few nights the we pushed the boat out and stayed up past 1030 a rarity in the jungle and a real treat for me to leave with a big group of kids all screaming "Goodbye Kriis" and a proper sendoff from the volunteers in the nearest town.  I'll miss the place, it showed me India without any tourists, an amazing projects and some very special people.

The sleeper bus from Dharwad didn't have any rats but despite me upgrading to Sleeper class (I got a bed!) I was tossed like a pancake for most of the night then at 3am the bus filled up all the empty beds with local workers travelling to Bombay which kinda changed the oudor of the bus a little and with 5 people per bed  meant my chance to sleep was gone. 

My trip to Mumbai was to Lovey (a friend I'd met in Goa)'s Wedding. I knew Lovey was pretty well off but I've been to the home of Indian Film stars and musicians and his place was blingER!  The wedding was a real treat.  Punjabi food, dancing and girls made me seriously consider changing race!  I even had a student of famous Indian dancer Nanzeen Gujral teach me moves on the dancefloor. My simple definition of bollywood dancing is alot of body isolation whilst pretending you are opening door knobs.  I also found that my beard came in handy as I got turbanated.

Me after I was turbanated with the prettiest girl at the wedding (exl the bride ;) )

The ceremony was pretty special as and I was so far behind on sleep I had a cheeky little snooze.  Lucky for me in an Indian wedding whilst sat on the floor sleeping just looks like you are meditating.   Working in Corporate Sponsorship I should be used to seeing the poorest people one day then dining in 5 star hotels when meeting important donors the next but I found it hard to deal with the wealth gap at the wedding after coming straight from the school.  You know you are talking to wealthy Indians when they say proudly that they spent their last holiday in Devon.  My childhood caravan holiday to Devon when all my friends were living it up in Spain should be noted.  At the wedding reception where the typical answer to "What do you do for a living" was Actor one guest said to me that they found me working with the poor people 'depressing' from behind their designer sunglasses.  Disparity, like in any developing country is something you see everyday, and lucky for me the majority of the wedding party were more down to earth.   

A few simple pleasures from Jan I wanted to share with you:

• Walking through a crowded train stations listening to music whilst dancing (throwing in the occassional bodypop or moonwalk which seems to work really well with a backpack).  Only issue is last time I did that I was listening to a mashup then the music shuffled to Fraggle Rock...
• Sharing headphones with a local on the bus and walking through a basic music discography from The Beatles to SHM (soon makes you realise that even The Beatles lyrics are raunchy!).
• Hanging off the side of a train or a government bus and just breathing in India (normally through your mouth)  
• Leaning out of the car and feeling the buzz of just how close that bus or motorbike handle bar is to your face

Fav phrases of the month:

• When having a chat about arranged marriage vs. love marriage with Mr MBA (bear in mind his is a LOVE marraige but based on very conservative principles).  "Are you sexually attracted to your girlfriend" No sir.  "Will you be sexually attracted to your girlfriend after you are married "I will have to be

• "Good Morning Afternoon sir"

• "It's very cheek in tongue"

• "Please yes, I must get off this phone conversation right now I have a foreigner in my office, yes very important"

• "Goodbye Kriis".......screamed at me by around 50 kids at the school as I left

A big thank you to all of you who called.  It is good to hear from people at home.  I even got excited when I heard a West Cork accent on the beach today and I'm not from Cork ;)

I now have a postal address so please feel free to send me A Valentines Card, bottle of fine wine or efferversent Vic C Pills (for some reason they don't trust pills that fizz here). There is little else I miss apart from you guys so as I'll be here until at least the Summer of 2013 why not send YOURSELF on a little holiday :)

My address: 

Mr Flack
c/o WaterAd India Liaison Office
403-408, 4th Floor, CNI Bhavan
16 Pandit Pant Marg,
New Delhi-110 001
India

So for now I'm spending a few days in Varkala in S. Kerala.  It's a gorgeous beach and very Shanti Shanti compared to Goa with less people and no bars on the beach.  I've made friends with a Swiss guy who has been travelling for 3 years and has a beard so big that mine makes me look like I'm going through puberty.  I've only been here for a few days but it's gorgeous to wake with a beach full of people doing yoga, tha chi, meditation and surfing amungst all the locals doing their puja.

I have found my favourite yoga teacher and hidden beach but this still is a tourist town so on the main beach there is the game of "boys watching girls watching boys watching girls" and I'll often join in as there are some damn fine yogi atheistics.  You can sit watching the girls go by drinking beer out of a tea pot as non of the bars have licenses.   The standard Indian tourist attraction sentence is the same here as other places "Hello Friend" "I have >insert product you are most likely already wearing so clearly don't need< for just 200 RS".  The only difference between here and Goa was that you don't get a pause then "Cocaine, MDMA" at the end.  I prefer it here!

Seeing as I'm only a few days from embarking on my Yoga Teacher Training course I have started to practice yoga again.  I've also been to a few Osho meditations and was quite alarmed that I left alone ;)

As far as finding myself.  I guess I'm now beginning to admit that, I am, a ginger.  I am still however, struggling with patience.  I had a date with a gorgeous indian girl in Goa and I left as she was 45 minutes left.  Shanti Shanti Chris!

For those of you who are worried that I'll be going cold turkey into the Yoga teacher training after a mad January, don’t worry here are some reassuring facts:

• I have been drinking at least one fresh coconut water/day to make up for all my impurities
• There are 30 girls and 5 guys doing the TTC course

I'll try to post some Yogi updates during my YTT in Cochin.  It's 0530-2130 for a month and with all those hip openers you might get to see a very different Chris!  After that I'll be starting my next project in Delhi with Waterad. Namaste.

PS.  Prize for the funniest comment of THIS photo.....

Happy 2013 – My Resolution: I’m staying here

The week before Christmas on the project was special.  I had some friends arrive and we taught the kids Charleston (Indian style – vid coming soon!).  The volunteers were also brought to tears as my visitors bought a bottle of wine from Europe.  We shared it between 8 people in metal cups.  Rock n Roll!

I sponsored this little girl, Sujata.  She is one of the most cheeky and funny girls in the school with a continuous smile just like the one below.  Her family have nothing and she would have ended up working as a domestic helper to bring in funds at the age of 7 if it were not for this school - long may she smile :) 

Some highlights from this blog:

• I leave India for a while and go to Goa - The Blackpool of India
• How to get spiked and still enjoy yourself - we got very lucky
• How to have a moped crash and still enjoy yourself
• I get a candle lit shave and a very odd finger gesture
• I miss my friends 

So for my Christmas break I headed off with friends to Hampi.  Leaving on the 0630 bus from the local village is a treat, walking through the morning mist with all the kids playing music.  The bus was unlocked as the bus driver had just woken up and on his way back from morning prayers.  He walked through the bus with his hand oozing incense smoke, a refreshing change from the usual morning odor on a bus.  We then set off towards the sunrise with the wind pushing the incense back through the bus and the driver impressing us all by obliging to the ‘no horn before 0700’ notice. 

7 hours and 3 buses later we arrived in Hampi, former capital of the Vijayanagara Empire.  With the World Heritage Site sticker came the Tourist prices and majority of punters in the town laden with dusty sunnies and white faces.  With the tourists comes a whole new retail focus; us white folk prove how simple we really are by walking like zombies towards the signs that say Internet, Massage, Real Coffee, Pancakes, Fresh Juice, Jewellery.  

The temples are very impressive and even the organisation and maintenance (special for india). However, even I got caught out by a tourist trick.  I was on my own in a temple and a young local girl came up and asked for a photo.  You usually ignore this as it’s a play for money but I gave in pretty quick and took a quick snap.  After which, as predicted she asked for 10rS and I walked away.  She then said “give me more or I’ll scream RAPE”.  I called her bluff and I screamed “Rape” and she ran off J

Being the travel snob that I am.  I decided to have some fun and categorise the tourists:

• The White Sneaker Brigade - People with Northface gear from head to toe and a camcorder glued to their hand, an EOS with a telephoto lens in their slingshot, a rehydration pack on their backs and a scared look on their face that they ain’t in Kansas anymore
• The Peace pipe crew – Arrive in a town, find a café they like to read Shantaram and are still there 1 year later having gotten dreds and ‘OM’ Tattoos all over their body
• Jewish Flip Out – The traditional post service gang from Israel.  Seriously pretty people on a mission to spread Jewish love at the same time as drinking the country dry and causing some serious damage.    
• Finding Emo - The people who walk around with their index finger and thumb joined all the time and sink into Lotus position at every photo opportunity in search of a life changing ray of light from the sun.  Oddly these are the group who smile the least.  Smile up Yogis!
• Daddy Paid Yay – Toni and Guy style dreds and Lonely planet app on their iPhone 5 with no stress as Daddies AMEX is hidden up their arse 

One of the locals in Hampi.  From his confused face I guess he's trying to work out whether I fall into any of the above categories!

In India cows are King.  And in Hampi that's his Temple!

Being a religious site in India Hampi is Dry.  However, despite the strict no drugs/drink policy this town is full of white folk many with bulging wallets so the friendly people at the restaurants have numerous special cocktails and Lassi which have some extra ingredients J.  After only a few ‘specials’ we did Yoga every morning on the roof terrace facing the Temples.

I  have to admit, I’m yet to touch any of the spiritual side of India.  From my experience so far that’s all in the North.  Yoga in the south is really for those who also want a suntan (I’m doing it in the south ;) )  However, with my gaze focusing on a temple I couldn't help but love yoga here every morning.  I also touched on my spiritual side (Mr Flack has more than just emoticons he has emotions!).  One sunset whilst walking through a temple we were invited to join a Rama worship and sat singing and playing the bells for quiet some time.  Music is indeed food for the soul :)  

On the same subject, as one morning after Yoga, whilst drinking a fresh juice, real coffee and pancake whilst checking facebook my yogi friend took a long breath and said ‘this is paradise’.  I had to admit, they were all things I’d missed but I get to wake up every morning in the jungle with happy children running past me through the morning mist of india so I disagreed (let's forget about the monkies stealing my food!). 

Next Stop Goa just a quick 9 hour train ride away :).  You know you are in sleeper class on the train when your neighbour wakes you up by using your head as a ladder rung.  Then when you walk to the toilet in a daze concentrating hard not to breathe through your nose you ignore where your feet are until it’s too late and your Havianas are in a pond of wee.

I was looking forward to my hotel in Goa.  I’d booked it 3 months in advance as the town where the Sunburn festival was on had 50,000 people arriving and was booked out.  Giving up all my luxuries at home to volunteer here in really basic conditions I’d ended up paying 20 times the amount I’d being paying for a room in Hampi per night as I wanted a treat.  Welcome to the Hotel from Hell.  I'll post my review up next time but let's just say I was surprised not to find a dead body floating in the swimming pool.

I was in the epicenter of Goa’s tourist zone and to me it really didn't feel like India at all.  Everywhere you looked were fat sunburnt English, Germans and Russians.  My favourite sentences overheard were:

“We don’t like Thailand as it’s too expensive so we come here”

“I’ll just have some tomato soup love but none of that spicy stuff”

“Oh Toni love, it’s too hot here.  I can't bear it”  Phone rings “ah hello love, yep me and yer dad are just sipping a beer in the sun, I tell ya love it’s perfect”

We took the moped for a spin up to some of the northern beaches where there were less Stan and Lesleys and more Kate and Wills on display.  Anjuna beach serves up a nice Balearic beach feel with some of the most aesthetically pleasing sites I’d seen in India.  Seriously – what are all these travellers eating to maintain such perfect bods?  I’m a yoga addict but I cannot refuse the Indian cuisine which means my six pack is now sponsored by Kingfisher Beer. 

Seeing as I was getting a bit ‘Robinson Crusoe’ again I decided to scrub up and go to the local Barbers before Sunburn.  As soon as I arrived there was a power cut.  So there I was with the guy hodling a blade to my neck under candle light.  

To top it all off he then gave me a free head massage which normally I’d have been pleased with but this involved a small generator on the back of his hand and him sticking his finger in my ear.  

I went back the next day to have a photo with 'chief fingerer'

Christmas morning arrived and I opened pressies on the balcony in the sun with a friend.  We then headed for the beach for some Kingfisher and pancakes for brekkie.  Christmas Lunch was fresh Shark with the Irish gang at our friend’s restaurant in Baga. I haven’t had such a funny Chrimbo lunch in a while so my spirits were still high when I later was knocked off my moped whilst heading back to see a friend in Candolim.  My leg got carved up and friend who's a nurse suggested I had a broken big toe as it came up like a golf club.  However, for the first year in a few, after all those mountain running breaks, 2012 involved no breaks just some crazy bruising which a full night of dancing cured :)

The Christmas Gang in Baga - Good Times!

Festivals are a funny one.  I grew up on raves and always remember it was all about the anticipation and the afterthought. Similar with festivals in Ireland.  Too much mud or tents being used as a toilet meant I’d never really gotten into them.  Sunburn was special.  The last time I went to a gig on the beach was a Radio 1 Roadshow at Skegness in the 1990s.  This was better.  So much better.  Asia’s biggest dance music festival, dancing to the world's best DJs, smiling friends by your side on warm sand with India's most beautiful people and not a Ketamine kevin in site.  Getting a foot massage on the beach after just a few hours of dancing whilst sipping a Cuba Libre watching the sunset.  This festival, however, had one especial ingredient.  Me and my friends got slipped a mickey finn.  Normally a very bad experience and not something I would condone; people get seriously messed up.  However, we got very lucky.  We lost the guys who'd done the deed and skipped around on night having a ball.

On one of the smaller stages I found one of my old fav DJS MIDIval Punditz

I don’t remember that much from the night apart from laughing till I cried and dancing on the floor at the front pit of the main stage (infront of c 20,000 people!).  

As I've said before 'once a raver always a raver' and when those old breakbeats kicked in I could have danced forever.  If there is anyone out there looking for a festival which does what it says on the tin then leave your wellies behind in Europe and come to Goa.  After a few days of Sunburn and big smiles on the beach I headed back to the Jungle for the monthly Arts programme.  

One of the school kids dressed up for a drama performance at our monthly arts programme

Despite serious fatigue I was delighted to be back.  My little jungle hut felt like an upgrade from my room in Goa with newly laid cow manure on the floor and an open roof showing the clear starlit sky (second of which thanks to the Monkies).  On my first day I was still so tired that I passed out with a snake on the floor (it slept in my yoga mat and was gone the next morning).  

Next morning I did my yoga class by the lake and got high-fives from all the smiling children walking back.  Happy Days :)

Every high has it's low and New Years was an odd one for me.  We were supposed to have a fire but there was a monsoon.  So instead, the kids celebrated it in style with all 200 of them running around in a state of hedonism for 3 hours to live drummers.  I left after the 6"5 school security guard demanded he give me a piggy back then through me to the ground.  I landed on my big toe (the one that only a few days earlier was under my moped!).  You couldn't take away from the fact that it was all hilarious though.

Despite +2,000 social media friends who like and comment all the time I only got one phone call from home.  I know a lot of you think I’m on one big adventure and I’m not denying I’m delighted to be here but it is also very frustrating.  I walked away from a lot in Dublin.  I miss my friends, I don’t miss my luxuries (although I’ll be glad to see both ;) ).  And being Captain Efficiency I miss stuff ‘getting done’.  I work with a team who say “Yes Sir” to everything and then don’t deliver meaning I have to babysit all the work they do.  The internet is so slow in the office that sometimes it takes 10 minutes just to open an email and most of the time Outlook just locks up.   I work in a dark office whilst the other volunteers work with happy smiling children all day.  I chose this, and have no intention of leaving but if it weren't for the buzz of the project I might think otherwise.  I'm on skype alot but the internet is so limited here I cannot make calls and there is no 3G here so forget mobile phone chat apps.  I have a phone number so call me if you get the chance :) 

+ 91 97 417 22 362

If you are still looking for a good New Years resolution why not sponsor one of the amazing children here?  Click here for more details
    

So my New Year’s resolution?  Well 2012 was very good for me with friends, family, health and career.  I’m starting 2013 in a country that is waking me up to something even bigger and for now I’m staying.  Happy 2013.   

I hope you enjoyed my blogs and photos in 2012.  Let's hope my camera survives the New Year!

Most Happy Morning Sir

My first morning back in the jungle was indeed a happy one, it was great breathing in some country air (more kerosene and burning rubbish than diesel and sewage!).  Not that I don’t like the luxury of being in a city for a while but I'd missed the uniqueness of waking up to the sound of the children practising music at 530, and the high fives from the smiling children walking back from yoga by the lake.  Bangalore still had some stories and here's a few:

•      Flack Does a Bollywood dance off at an illegal gay house party
•      Pepper spray - when to use it and when to avoid it
•      I attempt Rosemance - Indian style
•      Hindi Lindy or Bolly Hop?
•      I enter a wet t-shirt competition at a Literature festival
•      I brick it on a bike
•           The perfect last minute Christmas present

-

My last few days in Bangalore were fantastic.  We met +150 companies during our stay (speed networking baby!) and have started to see the rewards already.    However, the bright lights of Bangalore still provided a few laughs:

• On our last day my work colleague left the fridge open overnight and when I asked why he said “its’ still on – see the light is on”. 
• During one networking meeting there was a powercut and all the lights went.  Someone farted (in a room of CXOs) and NO-ONE laughed.  I nearly fell over laughing but that’s india!
• I had a rosmantic night out with a city girl and as my mum brought me up 'proper' I attempted some quality dating etiquette.  Picture this, me walking down the street with a stunning Indian girl and I’m trying to walk on the outside of the road (brownie points) avoiding cows, cow dung, live electric wires hanging down and bits of the pavement missing (plus a lovely odour of sewage).  We actually ended up at her friend’s house party, a gay party.  Bear in mind despite India claiming a modernised culture, homosexuality is still illlegal.  It was, however, a hilarious night in which I did a Bollywood dance off.  I was never gonna win that against a gay guy, even with my hips!  The only downer of the party was a random trying chemical warfare by spraying pepper spray.  Let’s just say it killed the Rosemance (temporarily ;) )
• On our last day in Bangalore the school orchestra completed the last of their four performances at the Bangalore Arts Festival.  A splendid performance, apart from my own.  The one day I chose to wear a white Khurta when I was going to be meeting some of India's high brow literature crew .....just after eating a curry.  So, there I was over the sink wishing I'd packed a mini bar of vanish soap in my backpack to remove the curry from my shirt when one of the project supporters spots me and waves me over to introduce me to his friends all of whom were well known poets and authors.  First impressions last.  Yes Mr White See Through Shirt.  
• Just after my shirt had dried and I'd regained my composure I bumped into Aileen, a friend from Ireland.  I always meet people I know walking down Grafton Street but with odds of 1 in a billion here it seems the luck of the Iroish is rubbing off on me!

Things had changed when I came back to the school.  We finally had solar power in the office which meant we no longer had the constant phrase of ‘no battery’ and emails failing to download as the generator coughed up it’s last kerosene   It also meant I no longer had a good excuse to go for a walk in the jungle with the dogs at 4 everyday (when my laptop battery used to run out).  The dogs are about as far from pedigree as you can get. Incest, Rape and Public Porn seem to be the general pastimes of dogs in developing countries and the dogs here are pros.  Every day they'd form a tough gang walking along until they'd all slow down at edge of the first farm where the one eyed dog lives.  If there was ever an advert for Rabies he’d be it.  The only dog who stays around is 'Muscular' as he is made of steel; if One Eye comes towards him he just stares him out.  Muscular doesn't even bark, he’s the Vinnie Jones of dogs and lucky for me he’s on my side.   

Muscular trying to mess with the local cows and realising he's not that big:




Since coming back from Bangalore the dogs are on heat so to prevent warfare (and as there is no pepper spray in the jungle) I just take the lads out.  I’ve even been running a few times through the jungle with the lads, very cool terrain to run; especially when you see how freaked out Captain Rabies is when he sees a sweaty tall white guy moving fast surrounded by 4 dogs. 

Here's the four lads.  Great companions on a run!



'Mumma Love' - The lady dog (she ain't no biatch) who is confined to the school at the moment as we've run out of Pepper Spray:



The solar power means I now have my phone charged all the time (so please call me!).  However, unfortunately it doesn't charge the lights so it still means writing this blog is an effort as I have to sit here in the dark with a head torch on acting as a Mosquito Magnet.

One of the workers chilling out after a hard day of fitting solar panels:



Gargamel and Papa Smurf hanging out: 

I had made some other new animal friends whilst being away.  About 1/3 of the floor in my hut was covered in Ants.  They had kindly entered my metal food box and started to nibble on some perishables.  I thought I was being sensible when I cleared out all the ants and food box.  Only problem was I left some bananas on my bed.  Monkies like bananas so ½ hour later they had lifted a few tiles off my roof and had a little party.  They took enough food to feed an army and I’m just glad I arrived back when I did as they’d started to unwrap a packet of johnnies.  As a friend suggested ‘sīmius interruptus'?

Despite constant room raids from the Monkies (4 and counting this week) I'm delighted to be back in the camp.  After all the luxuries of the big city it was good to be back to raw India.  It was funny to think that only a week ago I was in a restaurant which was so high profile our car got a bomb check in the car park and now I’m back on my 7 cent meals in the jungle.  My first night back we sat drinking warm milk (they fixed the stove), listening to French jazz, eating cheese someone had brought down from Delhi under a perfect star lit sky.  That beats any 5* in Bangalore.

Some of the smiling faces that welcomed me back from Bangalore:









I must be the only person in the world who enjoys the traffic in Bangalore; oddly I found the madness calming.  Imagine the busiest junction you've ever seen on a day when the traffic lights aren't working and all the cars are driving as if they are playing Grand Theft Auto with extra points for driving on the opposite side of the road.  Driving to meetings back at the school is a little different.  Yesterday I rode pillion on a motorbike without a helmet (sorry mum, this is India) over pot holes at 50 kph and avoiding a dog running across a Highway only to see it smash against the front of a truck.  We then ran out of petrol, I changed bike and a truck in front of us lost its load (bricks) and we hit a few and skidded (again, sorry mum!).  It was at that point I regretted not wearing a helmet but we were fine.  The meeting was the best we've had so far and it looks like a big sponsorship deal on the way so well worth the trip.

Some of our sponsorship is for sports equipment as basic a single cricket ball.  The kids here are entertained by the simplest of things.  If you would like to sponsor one of these amazing children (the perfect Christmas gift!) please click here




I have some German 'Dancin' mates that arrived at the school today so we'll be teaching the kids some Charleston tomorrow.  I already had a few swingouts with a friend from the UK in Bangalore (much to the amusement of the locals) so I'm looking forward to 200 children's faces crackin up when they watch a white man dance!

I'm off on hols next week.  Firstly to Hampi then to Goa for Christmas with friends and The Sunburn festival.  I seriously cannot wait.  I'll be back here for New Years.  As a sign of the sort of celebrating we do here below is our the Christmas display the volunteers have made.  I'm the horse bottom left (the one with the beard)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS LADIES AND GENTS!

Can you touch your ear with your hand...?

Go on, give your work colleagues a laugh and try it.

Meet Sewal.  He joined me for my weekly three hour walk to Dharwad this week.  He didn’t speak any English and I don’t speak any Kannada but as locals find it very odd that us pasty folk walk without something on our heads or a cow in tow Sewal took pity and joined me.  After finding common ground in the word ‘yoga’ he started pulling his arm around his back in positions and to be honest this was the least challenging.  So, can you touch your ear with your hand behind your back?  I’m not sure what chakra this opens but judging from Sewal’s protruding ears I’m not sure I want to try.

Headlines this week:   

•     I get lucky with Axel Rose
•       All of a sudden there are a lot of virgins in India
•       A posing scorpion at the school
•       Banguluru Baby – Croquet, Celebrities and CEOs
•       Mr Flack starts to get the Indian pace and eats some humble pie

In preparation for my trip to meet corps in Bangalore I realised I my only footwear (Havianas) needed an upgrade.  With no Barker stockists in site I was left with only one pair of shoes in the shop that didn’t have ‘cool’ or ‘sport’ written down the side and enquired if they had it in my size.  The lady beamed with enthusiasm at the fact that the only white boy in town was a potential customer and rushed off to her pyramid of shoe boxes.  She came back beaming “yes size right, yes size right” and I opened the box to see a pair of 'special' shoes with a Velcro strap.  Nothing like the shoes I’d chosen.  She then explained that “size right but not same shoe” and seemed dumbfounded when I smiled, thanked her and walked out.

Just before I left for Bangalore we started evening activities with the kids last week and as I’m teaching the volunteers yoga in the mornings I decided to teach the kids yoga in the evening.  Bad choice.  Firstly, they are Indian so come out of the womb in Lotus pose.  Secondly, I forgot it started at sunset and we don’t have any electricity.  The class went well bearing in mind one of the kids went into scorpion pose before I’d even started the class (it’s ‘quite’ a hard one!), we had no light for most of the practice and were on a patch of land where scorpions have been found quite regularly in the last few weeks.

The scorpion pose (catalogue photo – expect to see one of me doing this at the end of Feb!)

I’m now in Bangalore right now which is 5* living by comparison to my jungle digs (I have ELECTRICITY).  The journey, however, was a little bit less luxurious.  I travelled via Hubli as my colleague wanted me to meet his family which was a very humbling experience.  The family sat and watched as I ate what was possibly the most lavish meal they’d prepared all year.  It was gorgeous but the family weren’t eating, instead just watching me.  They had the TV on full blast so we couldn’t even speak, something the locals tend to do as a sign of wealth (Royale Family style); they also had a set of cutlery on the table wrapped in cellophane (so I obviously wasn’t ‘that’ special!). 

Hubli train station is a perfect cocktail of modern India.  The state transport minister is from Hubli so it got the swish new train station but there are still traditional Indian habits such as a family carrying grandma down off the platform and across the tracks into the train on the other side all whilst a big diesel engine is cruising in just a few hundred metres away.  The last leg of the trip was a 10 hour sleeper train.  Simple, I’ve done these before I could do them again.  No.  Firstly, we were on the waiting list and had had no confirmation.  So we boarded the train and our fate was with an Indian Railway worker who looked like he meant business: bullet line moustache, blazer, clip on tie, chinos, clipboard and Hi-Tec trainers.  We got a bed 1hour into the journey at which point all the lights are off and you cannot see where your bed/luggage is.  Secondly, we were in Sleeper class.  I know all the ‘cool’ travellers go sleeper as it’s hardcore but I’m a lightweight; I have Egyptian Cotton 800 count on my bed at home and which I even iron for special (!) occasions AND I’d travelled 3AC (3^rd class) here before and it had been fine.  Our Sleeper carriage smelt so strongly of urine I had to put tea tree under my nose to stop myself wrenching.  To top it all off the clientele seemed totally different to my nice cosy 3^rd class; it was like an Olympics of snoring, coughing up phlegm, nose picking and farting.  You’ll be glad to hear that England’s medal count this time was zero; pretty close to my hours of sleep (and not a good start when meeting corporates!).  I’m treating my colleague to 3^rd class on the way back (it’s 4euros more each!)

I make it look cosy but it wasn't!

It felt odd putting on trousers and a shirt for my meetings after getting used to the nice loose cotton of a Kurta.  

Me showing off my threads and Croquet (!) skills upon arrival in Bangalore

Luckily I had the India seal of approval as a Bengaluru mosquito targeted right in the middle of my forehead the night before my first meeting giving me a pretty little red Bindi.  The meetings have been going very well; in the last two weeks I’ve met CEOs of the biggest Telcoms and Construction companies in Southern India, all we have to do now is get some money from them!  And Bangalore is quite the treat. A friend from back home, Gopal has family here who have made sure I’m looked after well here.  And as a personal treat I’ve taken a few excursions:

·         One to the cinema to see Skyfall.  ½ way through the film stopped for a break.  All normal except when they started the film again they started it 30 minutes too early.  It reminded me of an experience at a cinema in Cochambamba (Bol) once where after the break they put on the second half of a different film. People were so pleased just to be at the cinema that no-one complained!

·         The Dentist.  Based on my experience with the barber where upon stressing not to trim my beard a number of times he chopped right through it I thought I’d take a chance with my teeth.  Once I saw the ‘House and Gardens’ in reception I knew I’d be OK.  It’s so cheap that I’m getting my teeth blinged up this wknd.

·         As I’ve had 1 beer in the last month I thought I’d head out on the lash.   I took my colleague to Floor 13, one of the hippest bars in Bangalore.  My colleague doesn’t drink so the night became a bit one sided ½ way through my second mojito I was approached by a Budwiser promotions team to take part in a competition with the subject being Guns and Roses.  The hardest question was “What is the lead singer’s name” so I won a nights supply of Bud.  Only problem was my colleague is t-total and the only social topic he likes to talk about is his girlfriend. An amazing boys night out, on my own!

We have been meeting corporates most days in 5* hotels, a real contrast from camping in the jungle.  It’s odd when you turn up and as the token white boy stroll straight through the security gate with your Indian colleague getting harassed every time (he should drink more ;) ).  From all the hotels I’ve seen my favourite was the aptly named ‘Shilton Royale’ which I’m guessing is either a Peter Shilton themed hotel where all the staff have really big hands or a very very bad Hilton.  With 7am meetings and long hours I have asked myself why I’m doing this.  However, when I stand up in front of a group of CxOs to present on the cause and look down and instead of seeing the cuff of a posh shirt and an Omega watch strap I see a friendship bracelet that Deepa a 7 year old student at the school gave me I know.  That my friends is real power dressing.

For those of you who’ve had the pleasure of working with me ;) you’ll know that I’m like a freight train; I push hard to get what I want and don’t stop until goals are achieved.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t bode well with Indian culture - Calmarte Mr Flack!  It works fine in Bangalore which is almost un-Indian in how western the corp world is. However, working with a colleague who grew up in rural India has really made me slow down and listen to how I’m working.  My colleague is a bright guy who speaks 5 languages and has a Degree in Commerce but he’s not used to new India.  For example, when we arrived in the apartment (a very nice apartment donated for the week!) he suggested I would not want the room with an ensuite as I’d prefer a toilet further from my room.  Every 5* Hotel we go to he has a photo out the front and yesterday when we met Raghu Dixit the famous indie singer (lovely guy but unfortunate second name as they is pronounce it ‘ck-sh’ here) my colleague sat in star struck silence until the end when he said ‘Photo’. 

'Photo' of Mr Dixit

Raghu is helping our school out with support and music workshops (he’s played at Glastonbury and with Adele on Later with Jools Holland……..and I sat in his recording studio listening to his new album!)

I have to admit got a little star struck today when we met the proprietor of one of Bangalore’s top bars (Café Noir) and as a French guy he said when we return to perform a gig with the school children he would prove to me that Indian wine is just as good as the rest of the new world wine.  Happy days.  My colleague once again sat in silence next to me until the end of the meeting when he said ‘Photo’ quietly.  Seems the other side of me was sat one of Bollywood’s big stars (Jagapati Babu).  I tell ya it’s all happening here!

Working in Kalkeri showed me a part of India few people get to see.  I’m sometimes jealous of some of my friends who are sunning themselves on beaches or unpeeling their spiritual divine (!) in Ashrams when I’m working hard but I’m seeing something very simple.  I spoke to a child at the school a few weeks ago who was being inquisitive about the world and my travels.  He had never been out of the village as his parents couldn't afford to go anywhere else, the cycle of poverty meant it was a struggle for them to even go elsewhere for work.  And yet he is now getting an education which should go towards changing that.  I look forward to telling him all about Bangalore when I return in 4 days.

So before I leave Bangalore I have to tell you about the biggest advertising campaign I’ve seen.  India is one of the most sexually conservative countries I’ve been to (Syria is more frisky than this place!)  but adverts for ’18again’ are everywhere.  18 again is all about VJJ rejuvenation.  No-one even says the word 'sex' out loud in India and yet this is on mainstream TV each night.  One of the oddest commercials I have ever seen:

Funny sentences this week:

“Do you have any questions” – “Yes I have no questions”

 “If I’m a driving rash please call 1800 ###” on the back of the car (..obviously 18again does have some customers)

I’ve finally booked my tickets to Sunburn in Goa.  Christmas is gonna be amazin –  an Iroish crew turnin up and a few special lindy mates from Germanyland too :)