#yogainrishikesh

+++ WARNING THIS POST MIGHT BE A BEET BORING FOR NON-YOGIS +++ 

Yoga classes in Rishikesh (Ram Jhula):

As I’ve mentioned before Rishikesh is the disneyland of yoga.  You could stay there sipping lassis, getting bendy and blissed out for months totally unaware of the madness that is in 99% of the rest of India.  I’m guessing that once the immigration rules change this year Rishikesh will become a bit of a cheap spa break for westerners in search of inner peace who have an aversion to paper work.  You now have no excuses to go to the most amazing country in the world :)

The yoga industry has very loose regulations.  You don’t have to have any qualifications to teach and even after doing the standard 200 or 500 hour teacher training courses there are no standard tests to pass so the range of teachers around the world from a mess to amazing is pretty spectacular.  My personal favourite will always be the Korean yoga teacher in Nepal who got hands/feet and left/right muddled up; the closest I’ve been to a drunk game of Twister on a yoga mat.  A lot of the better teachers use Rishikesh as a base for their annual MOT/check-up; not just checking in with one teacher but being in a location where you can get a taste of most types of yoga by some of the world’s best teachers.   Purists might chose MySore for Ashtanga (where Pattabhi Jois developed the style) or Pune for Iyengar (where BKS Iyengar still somehow at 96 still teaches), however, I’ve been to +50 teachers in the last 8 years and the best ones have been in Rishikesh.  Here’s my favourite and why (note that the listings are based on the tourist season schedules and all classes have mats available):

Surinder Singh Yoga

...btw photos on this post aren't mine but he really does look as happy as this all the time :)

If you overhear a conversation with “I love his classes he is amazing” chances are the discussion will be about Surinda’s class.  That doesn’t mean he has the best classes but he definitely gives the most love.  You have to negotiate a lot of cows and backlanes of Swargashram to find the yogashala, arrive early and often queue for a place but it’s worth it.  His classes are classic Hatha, quite slow with little happy spiritual anecdotes throughout and a soft tap on the shoulder after Surinda has made an adjustment.  Tips: arrive early and prepare to have overlapping mats.  Great for all levels.

Morning – Rajdeep Hotel, Ram Jhula, Swargashram (up close to the taxi stand, turn left towards Ganga Sai then ask). 8.30-10am.  He also does evening classes but I didn’t go.

Anup Gupta @Ananda



Anook is one of the few teachers who does specific pranayama classes so I went along to his 7am and was so impressed with his innovative techniques that I stayed for his 8am asana (yoga postures) class.  Blimey.  Traditional Hatha but looooong holds and the few classes I went to were 2.5 hours and included advanced asanas. Very little personal adjustments so I would not advise beginners go to this class but apart from that very impressive.
Located at the Geeta Ashram on the way up to the Shiva Temple/Taxi rank at the top of Swargashram.
Pranayama class 7-8am, Asana class 830-10am (but sometimes 11 ;) .  He also does ashtanga classes at 5pm

Brajesh@ Avatar

Despite being hard to find (Brajesh kindly found me on his bike and gave me a lift) this is one of the best yoga studios I’ve ever been in.  On a top floor high above Ram Jhula, it’s worth going to this class for the views alone.  The class is very slow (classical hatha) but if you like quality adjustments Brajesh is the best teacher I’ve ever had for personal adjustments.   It might, however, be as his classes are new and so for the 2014 season were small.  Typically 5-10 people as it’s a hard place to find so that could change once the word gets around. 

At Hotel Yog Vashishth, Swargashram (close to the Green Hotel) Drop in classes are 730-9am

Deepak@Tattva

For the Ashtanga heads out there Tattva yoga has a great reputation.  Kamal Sigh has a bad reputation for being overly commercial but his teaching and teachers are amazing.  Deepak teaches a few drop in classes of Ashtanga (beginners at 12 and intensive at 5).  Be warned, however, that at the beginners class I went to he did a crow ontop of my wheel and I later found out there were Ashtanga teachers in the same class.  Beginners in India doesn’t always mean simple.....although this is a catalogue photo this is what Deepak did to me in the 'beginners' class ;)

Swami Yogananda Maharaj Ji@Pamarth Niketan or Om Shanti Om 

This is one for the tourists.  Swami Yogananda Maharaj Ji is 106 years old and a legend.  His class has a focus on light breathing and stretching so is very similar to the Pawanmuktasana series with a bit of laughter yoga thrown in.  Having a 106 year old lead a laughter session really is quite something.  You won’t leave the class dripping with sweat but I can guarantee you’ll have a smile on your face.  This guy is pretty special.  I overheard someone talking to him about meditation and he said “I’ve been doing it for over 80 years and I still don’t get it so I just have a little snooze”.  Legend.

Location: Pamarth Niketan Ashram at 0630-0800, Om Shanti Om Sundays at 11am

Acro Yoga with Emily & Nunu 

Acro is great fun but needs to be taught by a qualified and safe teacher.  Emily is the best one I've come across, she's like a rock.   She will tangle you around in all sorts of shapes above her and the whole time you will feel 100% safe and you'll love your flight!

Above Trektindia in Laxman Jhula main market - Mon-Fri 11am-1pm (there are also jams on the beach in Ram Jhula from 4.30pm close to the Shiva rock).

Ashish at The Green Hotel

Ashish teaches Iyengar yoga.  My first Iyengar class was back in 2005, and at the time I found the therapeutic approach and detailed alignment quite frustrating.   However, I now appreciate that a style with such a scientific approach is useful.  If you look at the spectrum of yoga styles with Bikram being at one end (totally unguided and pushing yourself until you melt) Iyengar is at the other end with precise instruction and guidance.  Ashish was pretty good and I liked that he encouraged you to make notes, a rare opportunity for teachers to write useful stuff down.

Location: Green Hotel, Ram Jhula (in a laneway behind but if you ask at reception they'll direct you).  Drop in class 0830-1000

Usha Devi@Patanjala Yoga Kendra

I’ve saved the best for the end.   You might hear Surindar’s name more than Usha but it’s only as not as many people get the opportunity to learn with Usha.  It’s very hard to get into her drop in  Iyengar classes.  You book for a week as opposed to the daily drop ins (you can book daily but the price works out waaay cheaper for the week), and she only does drop in weeks once in a while.  Usha is a pretty unique lady;  she’s been in two serious accidents and had her body mashed to bits and in 1999 was told by multiple doctors that she would never walk.  She worked with BKS Iyengar (the chap who developed the style) and is now fully mobile.  Her teaching style is a mix between a strict army general and your favourite aunt.  One minute she is shouting at you for smiling or talking and slapping you hard on the thigh if you aren’t following her instructions, the next moment you see her smile and you feel her love.  Her classes are hard.   Really hard.  She’ll have you in a handstand and be talking you through all the parts of your body you need to move; who knew I needed to suck in my metatarsal, or that there are 6 corners to my heel?  From all the teachers I have ever been with, despite only having time for 3 lessons with Usha she is the one who has influenced my asana detail the most.   If you’re going to chose one teacher and her classes are available then do it.    

Patanjala Yoga Kendra is the first building on the left if you are walking from the Rickshaw stand in Ram Jhula towards Rishikesh.  Timing of drop in classes is based on the schedule.  Although the website says you don't need to register for the drop in classes, you do.  You'll need to go to the office at 8am on the Sunday before the classes start to register, there is usually a queue of eager Usha fans so good luck :)

Remember there are plenty of other teachers.   From speaking to others there are a few other good ones in Laxman Jhula and some very good teachers based in Ashrams on the Haridwar side of Rishkesh but I didn’t have time to check them out.  Another reason for me to go back :)

I've been two years in a row for Feb/Mar/April and I love that season in Rishikesh.  If you've a deep wallet you can also get to see most of the above teachers at the International Yoga Festival every March.  There's also one in November that is free and has a pretty good reputation (check out http://www.nadyoga.org/international-yoga-music-festival-rishikesh-india/ Nov 2014).

My six weeks in Rishikesh this year totally changed my practice.  Yoga is a process and the more you learn the deeper you go.  I’m so deep I can never get out and I love that :)

Human Marination

I've a week left in India.  Now all the gurus and most of my mates have left Rishikesh it's a chance to ponder my time away or as the gurus say to 'marinate'.  

• How to punch a Guru 
• The sex door knocker
• The importance of The Beatles
• How to be famous in India
• Indian bungie jumping - would you?

The end of March is a funny time in Rishikesh.  There's mass exodus after the international yoga festival and a-lister guru satsangs finish.  It also starts to get viry howt and so there are no Bhajans on the beach.   Most people head up to cooler pastures in the Himalayas and I had originally planned to join that same convoy to Dharamshala where I was going to teach Lindy Hop with the lovely Dolker but based on the amount of Osho books I'd have to lug up the hills and the weather forecast I'm delighted I chose to stay here.  
Last week's temps  - top is Dharamshala bottom Rishikesh.....I'm glad I stayed :)

Alot of my friends have left, even the tantra banta has subdued.  Something I was glad about after my neighbour tried her sex robot antics on me again and I had to reject her a second time (30 minutes later she was doing robotics with another neighbour).  Oddly I saw that application of tantra as my alter ago from my time at Agama;  something that happily has changed now.   What hasn't changed is the spread of sexbots.   Agama is now offering Tantric massages (only to women!) here which on paper looks fine and I agree in it's application as a therapy but doing it in a Holy Indian city to me seems a bit inappropriate.

I love the NB note - hilarious

My own application of neo-tantra took a funny twist last week.  One night whilst dancing blues with a girl on the balcony I realised quite how difficult it is to have public romance in India. I looked up to see 5 indian guys on the neighbouring roof all with their camera phones pointed in our direction. I cannot wait for automatic face tagging on youtube!

Luckily bhajans on the beach were replaced with Acro Yoga and I soon had a new gang.  Acro yoga is a cross of Arcobatics, Yoga and Thai Massage.  Quite a treat.  

Last week I punched a-lister guru Mooji.  It was by mistake.  I was in a shop and turned quickly to feel my elbow nudge into someone's ribs and a deep Caribbean 'hmm' echo through the shop.  I said sorry and didn't click it was him until I was walking away.  He didn't react, which is exactly how a guru should be but his disciples looked at me as if I'd tried to assassinate the president.    Maybe they should be listening to boss man instead of just following him round .     

Once satsang finishes a big question is what to do after.  Gurus advise to marinate on the teachings but for those that have grown attachment (most of his followers) it's tough.   I think to balance things out Gurus should do some reality TV where they are put back into the real world and test their skill of understanding the meaning of life.  For example,  getting  Prem Baba to work in a truckers cafe in Limerick whilst trying to raise 5 kids on their own and with a supply of zynax in the bathroom cabinet.  Interesting to see if they continue as unphased by life as they do in their normal peaceful guru surroundings.

At this point you need to be playing this song in the background.......

I have visited the beatles ashram  (home of the late Maharishi guru) twice since I've been here. Yoga came to the west via a number of ways including Swarmi Vivekananda at the parliament of world religions meeting and Queen Victoria's fascination with the amazing feats of yogis.  However, I think the beatles and other stars of the 1960s coming here and stuying yoga and meditation is what shifted the interest.   It's amazing to think that The Beatles spent so much time in a place so different from Abbey Road.  It was supposed to be one of their most productive periods, apart from Ringo who went home early as he didn't like the food!  The Ashram is a breathtaking place (they even had AC in The Beatles rooms - 1960s in India!!).  However,  for years it's been left in ruin and run in a typically Indian way ie. you have to bribe your way to get in or find a low part of the wall and break in.  That was the case up until a few weeks ago when the government started working on renovating the site.   The Ashram, once reopened will be a big tourist landmark in India.  Rishikesh is touristy now but it will become massive.  As they've only recently excavated one building me and my friend also managed to get some personal trinkets.  I was seriously tempted to take a toilet!

One of the workers:



The current state of disrepair of the yoga shala


Some of the residential quarters


Stunning Murals



Last Sunday me and some other travellers took ajeep with 6 kids from the music school I've been working with in Rishikesh and headed to Kunjapuri Devi Temple.  A truly special visit giving the kids their first view o the Himalayan range whilst offering puja at the famous hindu temple.  The group (including Roopak), all made it up the final 300 steps in record time. Bear in mind that some of those with polio have mobility by walking on their hands.....they were the first ones to the top - amazing :).

Roopak going up the 300 stairs




The gang at the top with the Himalayan range in the background:


One of the kids coming down the 300 steps on his hands:



The next day I woke with Delhi Belly.  I was gutted as it threatened my last week in India.  I ignored the usual 'wait 24' hours and started  taking nuclear drugs within the first 6 hours.  After a few days it hadn't improved so I went to an ayuvedic doctor who after giving me my drugs asked me if I was on Facebook or WhatsApp.  In India anyone who is not from India is famous!

I'm now better and in one week I'll be back in Europe so I'm cramming my last few days full of lovely stuff.  The great thing about travellingis that everyday is special regardless of the acro yoga or trips to the mountains.Normal conversations are rare; just last week I was sat next to the assistant director of Life of Pi and this morning I had chai talking to a professional snowboarder from Japan who'd quit to study ayuvedic medicine (and did not ask to add me on FB!).  Topics usually revert between things like bowel movements and Tantra, stuff you'd never think of talking about at home but happily sip a lassi whilst chatting about here.  I even met one girl who combined the two in a chat ...the topic of 'Space Docking'.  Something not to discuss over food.

My favourite phrase heard this week was an Indian trying to decribe pins and needles using 'Sparkles and Tickles' instead :)

My favourite story overhead was an Australian backpacker who did a bungee jump (it's getting touristy here!) and as he stepped out on the platform asked "this is safe right?" to which the Indian worker simply wobbled his head.

My fav dog in Rishikesh.  Due to his protruding jaw, his bark actually sounds like he's saying "sausages".

J'ai fait un caca caca dans mon pantalon

I was a bit freaked, however, that is not what happened but a funny phrase I heard a girl say a few days ago....."Ou'est? - "DANS MON PANTALON"- ze french are zo romantic.  

That monkey surprised me by being so angry.   There is a new colony here and they really don't like us human folk.  10 years ago I was working with spider monkies in Bolivia and was used to them giving me a hug everyday.  I miss these lads......

Anyway, enough of my relationship issues. Here's what I've been up to:

• Easy India
• Bad Yoga
• I miss a good Shift 
• Happy Holi

It's quite hard to be lazy in India but in Rishikesh it's easy.  Along with Kerela and Goa,  despite my fondness for the place it's a long way from the bonkersville that is the rest of India.  I've had power, wifi and hot showers everyday here.  Despite missing Indian food I've eaten at western vegan restaurants and juice bars most days and my mattress is more than the average Indian 2 inches thick! The highlight, however, was in a the toilets of a cafe yesterday where they were playing meditation music IN THE TOILETS.  Rishikesh is like the Disneyland of yoga with of more mature yogis coming to get their Yoga MOT/NCT and young glowing girls (and a few guys) skipping around with yoga mats under their arms sipping lassis saying "OMG did you go to Surindher's class - I totally found myself melting into my mat,  I heart India".   Now, I love girls and I love Surindher's classes but in a world where the toilets play jazz music the phrase 'I heart India' needs a rethink.   

Some of the yoga classes are damn funny.   In one of Surindher's classes the mats were so close together that at one point I opened my eyes to find my big toe nudging a girls bum cheeks (like I said.....I LOVE his classes).  Five minutes later my neighbour  on the other side had her foot over my nose.  Life: It's all about balance.  The highlight of the yoga asana classes I've taken for me, however,  was when local teacher Deepak hopped ontop of me during a wheel and first stood up and did little jump, then went down into crow.  It was a beginner's class !  I held it for 20 seconds with him on top, I didn't have a camera and surprisingly my back felt splendid afterwards.  

It looked something like this......

The lowpoint of my yoga classes was my pranayama course.  I love pranayama and after training in the YTT then additional courses in Delhi I wanted to do one with the best teacher here so I signed up with taalls/ .   It worked out to be $40US per 2 hour class.   In Delhi I had been paying $1US for a 2 hour class (classes were in Hindi but you get the idea of the difference).   I turned up and despite being told it would be separate to their YTT it was a room full of YTT students (thank you Tattvaa yoga!).  I wasn't paying $40US for that so instead reinvested my rupees in more singing classes, massages, books and some inner child meditation classes (yes I am hanging out with me as a 10 year old - it's GREAT craic).  Everything also balanced out when after returning from the pranayama course I'd walked out of at 6am there was a storm and I rescued 1/2 my clothes which were on the balcony drying.  They would have all headed up the Himalayas had I stayed in the class.  Plus later that day I was retelling the story to a well known yoga teacher here and he said he'd give me some advanced pranayama classes for $5/hour.   Everything.......EVERYTHING happens for a reason :)   Having met people from 10s of YTT courses now, I am convinced I did one of the better ones.  If you are every considering it check out http://www.hathayoga-meditation.com/.

One of the many books I bought as a consequence of getting a refund from the course and WHAT a book :)

My projects are going well I'm even sticking my head in the classroom and teaching the kids some English at this school.  My favourite phrase was 'Nice to meet you boss' in a Michael Kane accent.  

Kids at the music school.....

Dinner at the music school :)

Traffic delays on the way to the music school.......a Cow Jam :)

I was also honoured to be asked by my friend the TEDx Ambassador for India to do a talk at their new seminar programme called 'The Shift'.  Now I love a good Shift but unfortunately it's end of April, my visa runs out in 2 weeks and I need a new passport so it ain't gonna happen.  I turned down another potential shift a few days ago.  My neighbour is doing an Agama Tantra course here and asked me as an ex-student if I could help her find her Shakti (that usually involves shifting). I declined her kind offer as I don't fancy her; which I guess means I know more about Tantra.  Dear Agama please stop producing sex robots and produce loving ones instead.

Last year I missed out on Holi the festival of colour due to a visa issue and I was gutted.   This year I spent the day with a friend at the music school I'm working (and learning!) playing with the kids (and their Grandpa brother cousin.......or Great Uncle as we say in English English!).   A lot of the local yoga schools and Mooji's satsang warned people to stay indoors and avoid the perils of the toxic paint.  However, once you got into the mess of it no-one cared - HAPPY HOLI :)

So I'll be back in Ireland in one month today and was thinking about what I'll end up doing career wise.   I've lots of opportunities but am not going to rush into anything.  Whilst I was writing my journal today an Indian guy sitting on the wall next to me picked up my pencil and stuck it in his ear and starting cleaning inside.  I've since disposed of said pencil but ....it gave me an idea for a niche in Ireland ;)

I haven't felt this at home since I lived in Ireland

You know you're back in India when you're checking out a pretty girl chatting on her mobile when she smiles at you whilst saying  "Hi yes I'm just calling to check on my stool results".  Hello India.

+ My mum (the highlander) is better

+  I become wise among the gurus

+ The birthplace of the universe 

+ I revisit my early yearnings to visit India

+ I'm moving back to Dublin

Since I was last in Rishikesh there was a national emergency during monsoon season with +1,000 lives lost and 120 bridges swept away in the region.  It's now tourist season and the locals are all on great form, despite the huge losses there are no signs of change apart from the huge Shiva statue missing from the skyline having been swept away by the force of The Ganges.  For the locals oddly being swept away by the Ganges is a blessing.

Before and during monsoon (just before he was swept away).  Not my photos...

Lots of the local shopkeepers and restaurant workers remembered me, as did alot of the old annual rishikesh old timers (mainly Osho heads) a warm community feeling I haven't had since living in Dublin. Only difference is the Indians are brutally honest, eg one of my first conversations with my old Barber.....

Barber: Hey KrishJii, you look the same as you did one year ago

Chris: lol, yes but less the suntan - I'm a bit whiter eh?

Barber:  Yes Ji, the white hair you have now make you look wiser

.......SILENCE

A Rishii is a wise person so I guess I'm in the right place :)

February was a tough month for me (see my last post).  My mum is stable now and has private carers but the parent/child role reversal was hard for me.  She might be a highlander but I'm not sure I am as I arrived in India an absolute wreck.

I ignored my own golden rule about travelling in India when I arrived.  This country is bonkers and if you think you can land from the west and just head out without a sniff of cultural shock then fair play to yea.  I always recommend to friends they relax and get a decent hotel on their first night.  I, however, decided to travel straight away.  Missing my six hour train so opting for a 10 hour bus sat next to a man who seemed to think his nose was a chimney and he was Dick Van Dyke; and that as the least of his hygiene issues.  10 hours of potholes and breathing through my mouth :)

I spent my first night in Haridwar so I could go and see the famous fire ceremony on this sacred part of the Ganges (Har ki Pauri).  According to Hinduism Haridwar was where the universe started.  Funny that, as I thought it was a hole.  The ceremony was on special form as it was Shivaratri (Day of Shiva) so there was an  extra amount of distorted noise, garish gold suits and lads dancing on parade vans dressed up as Shiva. 

Looks impressive but sounds like a car exhaust

The band uniform was a beany and trackkie bottoms - love it

I was soon reminded of the delights of travel in India as one of the parade vans ripped though some overhead electricity cables and a sparkling cabled bounced on the floor in front of me. I didn't react, my Indian instincts clicking back.  However, 1 hour later, after not sleeping for +30 hours and when it was lashing with rain, there was no power and I couldn't find my hotel I remembered that travel in India is tough.  I'd forgotten that northern India was cold in February and I only had one jumper and it was soaked through. I went home and had a cold shower (thanks India) and as I still had power on my netbook I  watched 'All is Lost';  a surreal experience watching a film about being alone (and soaking wet) on a sinking ship when you are in a cold room surrounded by damp clothes! 

I'd missed Indian Head wobbling and on the bus to Rishikesh I met Ramesh and his family from Kerela.  You don't see as much of the head wiggling  in the north and I was delighted when they all syncronised their wiggle when I started dropping in a few Hindi phrases.  I'm guessing in their case it meant 'fair play to ya'. 

Despite being full of tourists I chose to spend Feb/March in Rishikesh.  It's Guru season (they come to have Q&As called Satsangs) and the International Yoga Festival so a bit like the X-factor of spirituality.   A Satsang looks something like the below  (this one is with Mooji who is in Rishikesh right now :))..  Despite not having quite the humour of Monty Pythons 'The meaning of life' Satsangs generally make you feel like you know a lot more about why we are all here :)

Once back in Rishikesh the first few days were still cold and damp.  A Canadian girl I met said the weather reminded her of a trip to Ireland, only there she had had central heating and glass in the windows.  However, I had hot water and the sun soon turned up.   I spent nearly a month here last year  and had although overrun with tourists I'd loved it.  

As a tourist town they have toilet paper here and this is what some wise local brand manager thinks of ze French.  To be fair it's very soft and silky ;)

Here people don't ask 'do you do yoga' but 'what kind of yoga do you do'.  Feels a bit like clubbing in the 90s':  instead of 'are you on drugs' the 'what have you dropped'.......seems most of those kids from the 90s are now here detoxing mid life.   

This is the view when I sit in a group every night and sing........if you want to know the real me - pop down and check out the grin on my face ;)

My schedule is petty simple.  It's a dry town so early wakeup and usually yoga, then a mix of satsangs, mini treks and singing.  I'm also working on a couple of projects including helping a friend who is developing a film docu on Vegetarianism and the positive effects on climate change, and working with Roopak, the orphan with polio i met here last year.  Roopak is doing great, thanks to funding from friends Roopak is now full time in music school and good enough at vocals and harmonium to perform soon.  It's amazing to think he was begging just 8 months ago.  He's looking pretty sharp these days!

Nearly 20 years ago I got a promo tape (yes, I know......a TAPE) from a record company for Nitin Sawhney and the music was one of my first draws to India.  Aswell as working with the music school where Roopak studies to expand so as to work with more children I'm learning Ragas and Boles (Hindustani vocals) which is what's at the beginning of this song.  I'm finally singing the music that drew me here in the first place. And my gurujii is the son of the teacher who taught The Beatles to play Sitar.....the icing on the cake :)

Despite feeling very at home here I have decided that this India adventure will wind up mid April.  I've been living out of a bag for 18 months and have had some very special experiences and met incredible people who have shaped my life.  However, Iife on the road can be lonely and I want some grounding.  The weather in Dublin is shite but my friends there are amazing, that in combination with a need to be closer to mum for a while means I'll be back in Dublin full time as from late April.   Lots of this please..........

Vipassana - Calm down your monkey mind in just 10 days for FREE!

• When a retreat is a long way from being a 'treat'... being a monk for 10 days.
• When farting really is the funniest thing in the world
• One of those phone calls you really don't want
• Proof that Vipassana works.....well kinda
• My mum the Highlander

If you had 10 days free and could do anything, chances are it would involve spending it with loved ones, partying, relaxing or something that would make you feel instantly better.  So why the feck did I chose to go to Vipassana, a 10 day meditation retreat (let's ignore the 'treat' bit) where you wake up at 4am and do +10 hours of meditation/day most of which is sat completely still?   Plus you have to keep noble silence so no talking, reading, writing or eye contact.

Well, I'm curious as to how the mind works.  I also know that we all have ups and downs, but we rarely talk about it.  I'm having a low time in my life right now but I know meditation is helping me and most of my life is bloody splendid (well according to my FB status anyway).  

So as opposed to reaching for those quick heal hormones from sex, drugs, dancing, sport or any of life's other oxytocin/serotonine/endorphine type hits I thought I'd try and go a bit deeper.  

These famous lads make a big deal out of the importance of meditation: 

......but they are not the same as the rest of us.  Finding the time to meditate is difficult if you have any sort of normal work/family commitments.  And that is why I decided on the 10 days retreat.  Habits of a lifetime cannot be changed in minutes or even in a weekend workshop.   Especially if the results are something like this:

Although, let's face facts.  Even the pros find it hard to sit for that long.....

A year ago if someone had told me about a silent retreat I'd have thought they were bonkers.  However, I initially did some by order at my yoga teacher training and liked it. I had signed up for vipassana 6 months ago but was turned away as I had a fever at registration.  So time to try again...

So what is Vipassana?  Well if you are travelling in India, it's something that comes up in conversation pretty regularly.  Just as bungy jumping is in New Zealand, India's adventure sport for backpackers is Vipassana.  And that is India all over, a challenge for the mind aswell as the body; it also shows that India has a slightly different type of traveller.  For Indians, it's a part of life.  

Gautama the Buddha discovered this technique around 500BCE.  Put simply his philosophy was that we all suffer in life through attachment and one of the ways to not get attached to emotion is not to react to things ie. balance or non dualism. No-one can ignore the fact that we suffer, we all strive for a goal of continuous happiness but life throws us lots of shite along the way which makes that harder.  Two good friends of mine committed suicide in the last few years and yet whenever you saw them they were an advert for happiness.  Two very sad stories.  We all like to put on a brave face when we face adversity and that really helps but too often we ignore the route of the problem and just carry on.  And that is why Vipassana is becoming so popular now, people realise that in such a busy world if you can react to/judge emotions with less attachment then life is easier.  Simple.  However, it's not simple to attain.  We could just get lucky by relying on the happy hormones I mentioned above or for medicines but it still comes back to this.......imagine if you could switch it off?

So vipassana, described as similar to a surgical operation to train the brain to react differently to things.  The course is free.  It's free for a reason, you work hard, living practically as a monk and leaving is not really an option.  

I'd done alot of meditation in recent years and it was one of the parts of yoga I really struggled with so a prison type setting suited me.  Plus the fact that one of my most rewarding types of yoga was the focus on breathing which is a big part of Vipassana, but it's only the first three days.  And for those who choose to leave, that's generally when they do.  Just before the deeper stuff starts, so if you chose to leave because you are bored you've totally missed the point.

Now, as for the deeper stuff.  Despite feeling a bit like a cult, Vipassana is not, it's also non-secular and is being reviewed by renowned institutions such as the NHS in relation to mindfulness and addiction.  Now that's all well and good but if you've never done any meditation/been to South Asia before you'll think it is a cult.  Everybody is sat on the floor, chanting everyday with rules such as no feet facing the front of the meditation room.  And although I was fine with it and it keeps the authenticity of the technique I think that the chanting and sitting on the floor would put off a lot of people.  

I chose to do the course in England as I was due to be there for a month after Christmas to see family.  I'd also been told there were a few more creature comforts than doing it in Asia (eg glass in the windows and better mattresses).  Stuff that made 10 days a bit easier.  The accommodation felt like 'business class' to me after spending the last 2 months on a camp bed in the jungle in southern India.  I was also impressed with the ageism where all people over 30 got a twin room as opposed to a dorm.  Plus based on a recent compressed nerve injury for which I was getting weekly physio I was advised to do the course in a chair.  Comfy bed and meditating in a chair.....like I said 'Vipassana Business Class' 

So how does it work?  I've seen some blogs where they describe day by day and 1) I'm not sure how when you cannot write anything down whilst you are there and, 2) I preferred not knowing before I went in.  This was the daily timetable:



As with all Vipassana courses the guys and the girls were split up, even having separate outdoor walking areas which everyday at sunset resembled something like a scene from village of the damned (apart from it was a line of guys just staring at the girls area.......I guess you could say they were in deep thought taking in the sunset - but they (me included) were subtly checking out the girls).  After all when you cannot have something you want it more right?


The village of the damned.....I joke you not this is what it reminded me of!



As I've mentioned before Tim Minchin so succinctly describes us lads are after all just 'monkies in shoes' ....

After joining the line of guys at sunset for a few days I decided to maintain the rule of no eye contact and didn't look at anyone until the end of the course.  Surprising how much energy that took judging people; trust me try it and you'll be amazed. 

Silence worked well.  It made you appreciate every sense more intensely.  You become closer to nature.  I walked everyday during the breaks and each day it was as if my body was getting quieter, I have never been able to get so up close and personal to birds, practically sitting next to them whilst they were feeding for worms.  Amazing.  It also reminded me how silence can be interpreted; during silence on my Yoga TTC a fellow student Yves used to have his food in silence but express his feelings though groans and moans whilst chewing on the food.  An impersonation of 'When Harry met Sally' during a silent retreat is kinda weird.  

There had to be some outlet of energy though and generally that happened when people relaxed 'too much' and in the men's toilets. I've never heard such an orchestra, even vs. the 'girls with gas' I met in Ladakh.  To be fair, I'm glad I didn't do it in India as farting is an olympic sport there, it would have been like trying to keep a silent focus during last night of the proms.

There was one chance to speak every couple of days.  You were invited to the front of the hall and the course leader would ask how you were getting on with the meditation.  On my attempt to whisper after days of silence I came out like a castrami on every occasion with my vocal chords going back to their time when my voice was breaking - oh, so cool ;) 

Meditation is hard and sitting completely still is even harder.  Pain is a big issue that people have with vipassana.   Sitting on the floor, people's knees and backs scream with pain.  And I was similar, 4 weeks on I'm still getting physio on my compressed nerve and at vipassana I was in agony everyday.  Pain is part of the meditation as you have to learn not only to work with the breath to calm your mind but also to not react to sensations.  It was ferkin hard!!  Being an only child I don't like being alone with my thoughts at the best of times but I actually loved the breathing part, it was the pain that killed me.  

Despite not having eye contact I still judged people as you have more time to think.  'That guy who took four pieces of fruit when you're only allowed two' or 'The guy who went to the toilet with the toilet seat down and didn't wash his hands'......classic.  My favourite judgements though were:

• A guy I called 'catweazle' after a really old UK kids show.  There were all sorts of people on the course.  From stockbrokers to hippies.  This guy looked like he'd been sleeping in a cave for most of his life.  And alot of people were coughing during the course as their bodies reacted to withdrawl from smoking/drinking etc but this guy coughed the loudest.  He sounded like he was going to die everyday.  I'm guessing his body was reacting to a not eating roadkill....

• The course leader's wife.  Satya Narayan Goenka was the person who took Vipassana global.  After being lost from Indian culture, it was still practiced in Myanmar (Burma) and Goenka was the first teacher to bring it back to India and now c100 centres around the world.  Every night there is a discourse video from Goenka.  Very informative and surprisingly funny but the best part for me was when the camera (even the camera work is hilarious often with his ear as the centre of the shot) panned out to show his wife sitting next to him.  He would be going full flow in lecture style and his wife just sat with no expression.  EVERYTIME the camera panned out I longed for her to be doing a headstand, robot dancing, or looking at her watch and yawning.  It never happened.  

It was a stark reminder of a woman's role in India.  Something which was depicted excellently in a recent Economist article.

Before the course started (before silence), I overheard a couple of guys talking about experiences with Mushrooms and Ayahuasca and I really wasn't sure what kind of course I was getting myself into.  I have to admit though toward the end of the course when I was able to control sensations moving through my body it did remind me of the rush MDMA had given me in my youth......only difference was in Vipassana you had to remain 'equanimous' ie. not react.  Well, I enjoyed it :)

On Day 8, I woke at 0400 with crazy shooting pains in my arm.  My room mate must have thought I was mad as I spent alot of time in the room rubbing myself up against the radiator to try and get the heat into my compressed nerve.  And, of course, I couldn't tell him what I was doing.  Must have thought I had worms!

Despite the pain, I never thought about leaving Vipassana.  I wanted to experience the full 10 days to see what happened no matter how hard it came.  However, on Day 8 I was told I could go home.  A course helper came to my room with a note saying my mum had been taken into hospital.   I couldn't speak to her but found out that she was stable.  The fact is with my mum is that despite looking healthy most of the time she has spent her life with a severe heart condition.  She grew up in a wheelchair, was home schooled, has never done any sport and spent most of my childhood in hospital fighting endocarditis and now as a result ticks as she has titanium heart valves.  She is vulnerable to anything.  If she gets the flu it's bad news and in the last few months she had been diagnosed with crohn's and then whilst I was at vipassana she had collapsed with a ruptured disc.  Painful for everyone but for her an issue due to the extra pressure on her heart.  It was a big deal but I couldn't know the next steps until the afternoon.  I went back into the meditation hall for the next session and it worked.  I didn't react, I was possibly the calmest I've ever been despite hearing some pretty shocking news.  The course head told me I could leave but I knew nothing would change until I spoke to my mum a few hours later so I waited then spoke to her and she was stable.  

On Day 10 we stopped the noble silence.  I checked my mum was OK and we started to all talk and share our experiences.  Everyone I spoke to who had stayed had positive experiences and I was glad to finally speak to my roomie and explain my radiator rubbing obsession.  

The journey home on Day 11 was very odd.  Getting used to the noises of normal life was pretty special, even plugging in my headphones sounded as if I was hearing the music live.  And I immediately noticed my reactions to and judgement of situations was different, reactions were different and that was good.  But would it last?  

I think the best thing to do after vipassana would be to gorge on all those happy hormones by dancing, drinking and sharing some love but for me I was happy to drive on a dark drizzly night to hospital and see my mum.

Life since has been pretty weird.  My mum is stable and out of hospital.  I was her full time carer for the first few weeks which in the early stages involved me getting up at 0530 to make sure she was ok and feed her morphine then, dress her, feed her porridge and look after her for the day.  She's now alot better and we have a private care company looking after her but it was a big change and we are still waiting the outcome.  It's weird to get to that age already where the parent/child role changes and I'm looking after my mum.  I even filled the freezer with meals in tuppawear all labelled for her to heat up and eat.  Something that she used to do for me as a teenager when my parents were on holidays!  My mum is a legend.  I've a feeling with all she's gone through she might just be a Highlander! 

So has Vipassana worked for me?  No.  You are supposed to maintain it by practising for a minimum of 2 hours/day.  I've been rushing into my mum's room with any sound of pain so that was never going to work but even in my normal world I cannot see it happening.  I have been doing more breathwork though and that helps a lot.  However, the fact remains that I saw the potential of meditation.  It's very powerful.  For now, I'm happy with just striving for balance by using some of those easier to reach happy hormones :) 

If you are thinking of doing Vipassana or have done it and want to share any thoughts please comment below :)

"Vipassana is the art of living.  Not the art of escaping"

S.N. Goenka

Here are some good links on vipassana:

Link to the food  for Vipsanna in the UK - it's VERY good (if you're going to a course, don't click this....wait for the surprise) - click here

Good Blogs:

My friend Barbara.  An Irish girl who completed 10 days despite having diahhorea 

http://thebarbybulletin.wordpress.com/?s=vipassana&submit=Search

A famous irish travel blogger (guy) who left on day three and also did a vlog :)

http://www.ndoherty.com/vipassana/

A three day diary (not sure how they wrote this!) proving the benefits of staying and 'switching off' the monkey mind (although they left after day three)

http://tynan.com/vipassana

Funny blog by a guy who completed the 10 days 

http://www.path2yoga.net/2011/08/10-days-vipassana-meditation-retreat.html