Most Happy Morning Sir

My first morning back in the jungle was indeed a happy one, it was great breathing in some country air (more kerosene and burning rubbish than diesel and sewage!).  Not that I don’t like the luxury of being in a city for a while but I'd missed the uniqueness of waking up to the sound of the children practising music at 530, and the high fives from the smiling children walking back from yoga by the lake.  Bangalore still had some stories and here's a few:

•      Flack Does a Bollywood dance off at an illegal gay house party
•      Pepper spray - when to use it and when to avoid it
•      I attempt Rosemance - Indian style
•      Hindi Lindy or Bolly Hop?
•      I enter a wet t-shirt competition at a Literature festival
•      I brick it on a bike
•           The perfect last minute Christmas present

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My last few days in Bangalore were fantastic.  We met +150 companies during our stay (speed networking baby!) and have started to see the rewards already.    However, the bright lights of Bangalore still provided a few laughs:

• On our last day my work colleague left the fridge open overnight and when I asked why he said “its’ still on – see the light is on”. 
• During one networking meeting there was a powercut and all the lights went.  Someone farted (in a room of CXOs) and NO-ONE laughed.  I nearly fell over laughing but that’s india!
• I had a rosmantic night out with a city girl and as my mum brought me up 'proper' I attempted some quality dating etiquette.  Picture this, me walking down the street with a stunning Indian girl and I’m trying to walk on the outside of the road (brownie points) avoiding cows, cow dung, live electric wires hanging down and bits of the pavement missing (plus a lovely odour of sewage).  We actually ended up at her friend’s house party, a gay party.  Bear in mind despite India claiming a modernised culture, homosexuality is still illlegal.  It was, however, a hilarious night in which I did a Bollywood dance off.  I was never gonna win that against a gay guy, even with my hips!  The only downer of the party was a random trying chemical warfare by spraying pepper spray.  Let’s just say it killed the Rosemance (temporarily ;) )
• On our last day in Bangalore the school orchestra completed the last of their four performances at the Bangalore Arts Festival.  A splendid performance, apart from my own.  The one day I chose to wear a white Khurta when I was going to be meeting some of India's high brow literature crew .....just after eating a curry.  So, there I was over the sink wishing I'd packed a mini bar of vanish soap in my backpack to remove the curry from my shirt when one of the project supporters spots me and waves me over to introduce me to his friends all of whom were well known poets and authors.  First impressions last.  Yes Mr White See Through Shirt.  
• Just after my shirt had dried and I'd regained my composure I bumped into Aileen, a friend from Ireland.  I always meet people I know walking down Grafton Street but with odds of 1 in a billion here it seems the luck of the Iroish is rubbing off on me!

Things had changed when I came back to the school.  We finally had solar power in the office which meant we no longer had the constant phrase of ‘no battery’ and emails failing to download as the generator coughed up it’s last kerosene   It also meant I no longer had a good excuse to go for a walk in the jungle with the dogs at 4 everyday (when my laptop battery used to run out).  The dogs are about as far from pedigree as you can get. Incest, Rape and Public Porn seem to be the general pastimes of dogs in developing countries and the dogs here are pros.  Every day they'd form a tough gang walking along until they'd all slow down at edge of the first farm where the one eyed dog lives.  If there was ever an advert for Rabies he’d be it.  The only dog who stays around is 'Muscular' as he is made of steel; if One Eye comes towards him he just stares him out.  Muscular doesn't even bark, he’s the Vinnie Jones of dogs and lucky for me he’s on my side.   

Muscular trying to mess with the local cows and realising he's not that big:




Since coming back from Bangalore the dogs are on heat so to prevent warfare (and as there is no pepper spray in the jungle) I just take the lads out.  I’ve even been running a few times through the jungle with the lads, very cool terrain to run; especially when you see how freaked out Captain Rabies is when he sees a sweaty tall white guy moving fast surrounded by 4 dogs. 

Here's the four lads.  Great companions on a run!



'Mumma Love' - The lady dog (she ain't no biatch) who is confined to the school at the moment as we've run out of Pepper Spray:



The solar power means I now have my phone charged all the time (so please call me!).  However, unfortunately it doesn't charge the lights so it still means writing this blog is an effort as I have to sit here in the dark with a head torch on acting as a Mosquito Magnet.

One of the workers chilling out after a hard day of fitting solar panels:



Gargamel and Papa Smurf hanging out: 

I had made some other new animal friends whilst being away.  About 1/3 of the floor in my hut was covered in Ants.  They had kindly entered my metal food box and started to nibble on some perishables.  I thought I was being sensible when I cleared out all the ants and food box.  Only problem was I left some bananas on my bed.  Monkies like bananas so ½ hour later they had lifted a few tiles off my roof and had a little party.  They took enough food to feed an army and I’m just glad I arrived back when I did as they’d started to unwrap a packet of johnnies.  As a friend suggested ‘sīmius interruptus'?

Despite constant room raids from the Monkies (4 and counting this week) I'm delighted to be back in the camp.  After all the luxuries of the big city it was good to be back to raw India.  It was funny to think that only a week ago I was in a restaurant which was so high profile our car got a bomb check in the car park and now I’m back on my 7 cent meals in the jungle.  My first night back we sat drinking warm milk (they fixed the stove), listening to French jazz, eating cheese someone had brought down from Delhi under a perfect star lit sky.  That beats any 5* in Bangalore.

Some of the smiling faces that welcomed me back from Bangalore:









I must be the only person in the world who enjoys the traffic in Bangalore; oddly I found the madness calming.  Imagine the busiest junction you've ever seen on a day when the traffic lights aren't working and all the cars are driving as if they are playing Grand Theft Auto with extra points for driving on the opposite side of the road.  Driving to meetings back at the school is a little different.  Yesterday I rode pillion on a motorbike without a helmet (sorry mum, this is India) over pot holes at 50 kph and avoiding a dog running across a Highway only to see it smash against the front of a truck.  We then ran out of petrol, I changed bike and a truck in front of us lost its load (bricks) and we hit a few and skidded (again, sorry mum!).  It was at that point I regretted not wearing a helmet but we were fine.  The meeting was the best we've had so far and it looks like a big sponsorship deal on the way so well worth the trip.

Some of our sponsorship is for sports equipment as basic a single cricket ball.  The kids here are entertained by the simplest of things.  If you would like to sponsor one of these amazing children (the perfect Christmas gift!) please click here




I have some German 'Dancin' mates that arrived at the school today so we'll be teaching the kids some Charleston tomorrow.  I already had a few swingouts with a friend from the UK in Bangalore (much to the amusement of the locals) so I'm looking forward to 200 children's faces crackin up when they watch a white man dance!

I'm off on hols next week.  Firstly to Hampi then to Goa for Christmas with friends and The Sunburn festival.  I seriously cannot wait.  I'll be back here for New Years.  As a sign of the sort of celebrating we do here below is our the Christmas display the volunteers have made.  I'm the horse bottom left (the one with the beard)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS LADIES AND GENTS!

Can you touch your ear with your hand...?

Go on, give your work colleagues a laugh and try it.

Meet Sewal.  He joined me for my weekly three hour walk to Dharwad this week.  He didn’t speak any English and I don’t speak any Kannada but as locals find it very odd that us pasty folk walk without something on our heads or a cow in tow Sewal took pity and joined me.  After finding common ground in the word ‘yoga’ he started pulling his arm around his back in positions and to be honest this was the least challenging.  So, can you touch your ear with your hand behind your back?  I’m not sure what chakra this opens but judging from Sewal’s protruding ears I’m not sure I want to try.

Headlines this week:   

•     I get lucky with Axel Rose
•       All of a sudden there are a lot of virgins in India
•       A posing scorpion at the school
•       Banguluru Baby – Croquet, Celebrities and CEOs
•       Mr Flack starts to get the Indian pace and eats some humble pie

In preparation for my trip to meet corps in Bangalore I realised I my only footwear (Havianas) needed an upgrade.  With no Barker stockists in site I was left with only one pair of shoes in the shop that didn’t have ‘cool’ or ‘sport’ written down the side and enquired if they had it in my size.  The lady beamed with enthusiasm at the fact that the only white boy in town was a potential customer and rushed off to her pyramid of shoe boxes.  She came back beaming “yes size right, yes size right” and I opened the box to see a pair of 'special' shoes with a Velcro strap.  Nothing like the shoes I’d chosen.  She then explained that “size right but not same shoe” and seemed dumbfounded when I smiled, thanked her and walked out.

Just before I left for Bangalore we started evening activities with the kids last week and as I’m teaching the volunteers yoga in the mornings I decided to teach the kids yoga in the evening.  Bad choice.  Firstly, they are Indian so come out of the womb in Lotus pose.  Secondly, I forgot it started at sunset and we don’t have any electricity.  The class went well bearing in mind one of the kids went into scorpion pose before I’d even started the class (it’s ‘quite’ a hard one!), we had no light for most of the practice and were on a patch of land where scorpions have been found quite regularly in the last few weeks.

The scorpion pose (catalogue photo – expect to see one of me doing this at the end of Feb!)

I’m now in Bangalore right now which is 5* living by comparison to my jungle digs (I have ELECTRICITY).  The journey, however, was a little bit less luxurious.  I travelled via Hubli as my colleague wanted me to meet his family which was a very humbling experience.  The family sat and watched as I ate what was possibly the most lavish meal they’d prepared all year.  It was gorgeous but the family weren’t eating, instead just watching me.  They had the TV on full blast so we couldn’t even speak, something the locals tend to do as a sign of wealth (Royale Family style); they also had a set of cutlery on the table wrapped in cellophane (so I obviously wasn’t ‘that’ special!). 

Hubli train station is a perfect cocktail of modern India.  The state transport minister is from Hubli so it got the swish new train station but there are still traditional Indian habits such as a family carrying grandma down off the platform and across the tracks into the train on the other side all whilst a big diesel engine is cruising in just a few hundred metres away.  The last leg of the trip was a 10 hour sleeper train.  Simple, I’ve done these before I could do them again.  No.  Firstly, we were on the waiting list and had had no confirmation.  So we boarded the train and our fate was with an Indian Railway worker who looked like he meant business: bullet line moustache, blazer, clip on tie, chinos, clipboard and Hi-Tec trainers.  We got a bed 1hour into the journey at which point all the lights are off and you cannot see where your bed/luggage is.  Secondly, we were in Sleeper class.  I know all the ‘cool’ travellers go sleeper as it’s hardcore but I’m a lightweight; I have Egyptian Cotton 800 count on my bed at home and which I even iron for special (!) occasions AND I’d travelled 3AC (3^rd class) here before and it had been fine.  Our Sleeper carriage smelt so strongly of urine I had to put tea tree under my nose to stop myself wrenching.  To top it all off the clientele seemed totally different to my nice cosy 3^rd class; it was like an Olympics of snoring, coughing up phlegm, nose picking and farting.  You’ll be glad to hear that England’s medal count this time was zero; pretty close to my hours of sleep (and not a good start when meeting corporates!).  I’m treating my colleague to 3^rd class on the way back (it’s 4euros more each!)

I make it look cosy but it wasn't!

It felt odd putting on trousers and a shirt for my meetings after getting used to the nice loose cotton of a Kurta.  

Me showing off my threads and Croquet (!) skills upon arrival in Bangalore

Luckily I had the India seal of approval as a Bengaluru mosquito targeted right in the middle of my forehead the night before my first meeting giving me a pretty little red Bindi.  The meetings have been going very well; in the last two weeks I’ve met CEOs of the biggest Telcoms and Construction companies in Southern India, all we have to do now is get some money from them!  And Bangalore is quite the treat. A friend from back home, Gopal has family here who have made sure I’m looked after well here.  And as a personal treat I’ve taken a few excursions:

·         One to the cinema to see Skyfall.  ½ way through the film stopped for a break.  All normal except when they started the film again they started it 30 minutes too early.  It reminded me of an experience at a cinema in Cochambamba (Bol) once where after the break they put on the second half of a different film. People were so pleased just to be at the cinema that no-one complained!

·         The Dentist.  Based on my experience with the barber where upon stressing not to trim my beard a number of times he chopped right through it I thought I’d take a chance with my teeth.  Once I saw the ‘House and Gardens’ in reception I knew I’d be OK.  It’s so cheap that I’m getting my teeth blinged up this wknd.

·         As I’ve had 1 beer in the last month I thought I’d head out on the lash.   I took my colleague to Floor 13, one of the hippest bars in Bangalore.  My colleague doesn’t drink so the night became a bit one sided ½ way through my second mojito I was approached by a Budwiser promotions team to take part in a competition with the subject being Guns and Roses.  The hardest question was “What is the lead singer’s name” so I won a nights supply of Bud.  Only problem was my colleague is t-total and the only social topic he likes to talk about is his girlfriend. An amazing boys night out, on my own!

We have been meeting corporates most days in 5* hotels, a real contrast from camping in the jungle.  It’s odd when you turn up and as the token white boy stroll straight through the security gate with your Indian colleague getting harassed every time (he should drink more ;) ).  From all the hotels I’ve seen my favourite was the aptly named ‘Shilton Royale’ which I’m guessing is either a Peter Shilton themed hotel where all the staff have really big hands or a very very bad Hilton.  With 7am meetings and long hours I have asked myself why I’m doing this.  However, when I stand up in front of a group of CxOs to present on the cause and look down and instead of seeing the cuff of a posh shirt and an Omega watch strap I see a friendship bracelet that Deepa a 7 year old student at the school gave me I know.  That my friends is real power dressing.

For those of you who’ve had the pleasure of working with me ;) you’ll know that I’m like a freight train; I push hard to get what I want and don’t stop until goals are achieved.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t bode well with Indian culture - Calmarte Mr Flack!  It works fine in Bangalore which is almost un-Indian in how western the corp world is. However, working with a colleague who grew up in rural India has really made me slow down and listen to how I’m working.  My colleague is a bright guy who speaks 5 languages and has a Degree in Commerce but he’s not used to new India.  For example, when we arrived in the apartment (a very nice apartment donated for the week!) he suggested I would not want the room with an ensuite as I’d prefer a toilet further from my room.  Every 5* Hotel we go to he has a photo out the front and yesterday when we met Raghu Dixit the famous indie singer (lovely guy but unfortunate second name as they is pronounce it ‘ck-sh’ here) my colleague sat in star struck silence until the end when he said ‘Photo’. 

'Photo' of Mr Dixit

Raghu is helping our school out with support and music workshops (he’s played at Glastonbury and with Adele on Later with Jools Holland……..and I sat in his recording studio listening to his new album!)

I have to admit got a little star struck today when we met the proprietor of one of Bangalore’s top bars (Café Noir) and as a French guy he said when we return to perform a gig with the school children he would prove to me that Indian wine is just as good as the rest of the new world wine.  Happy days.  My colleague once again sat in silence next to me until the end of the meeting when he said ‘Photo’ quietly.  Seems the other side of me was sat one of Bollywood’s big stars (Jagapati Babu).  I tell ya it’s all happening here!

Working in Kalkeri showed me a part of India few people get to see.  I’m sometimes jealous of some of my friends who are sunning themselves on beaches or unpeeling their spiritual divine (!) in Ashrams when I’m working hard but I’m seeing something very simple.  I spoke to a child at the school a few weeks ago who was being inquisitive about the world and my travels.  He had never been out of the village as his parents couldn't afford to go anywhere else, the cycle of poverty meant it was a struggle for them to even go elsewhere for work.  And yet he is now getting an education which should go towards changing that.  I look forward to telling him all about Bangalore when I return in 4 days.

So before I leave Bangalore I have to tell you about the biggest advertising campaign I’ve seen.  India is one of the most sexually conservative countries I’ve been to (Syria is more frisky than this place!)  but adverts for ’18again’ are everywhere.  18 again is all about VJJ rejuvenation.  No-one even says the word 'sex' out loud in India and yet this is on mainstream TV each night.  One of the oddest commercials I have ever seen:

Funny sentences this week:

“Do you have any questions” – “Yes I have no questions”

 “If I’m a driving rash please call 1800 ###” on the back of the car (..obviously 18again does have some customers)

I’ve finally booked my tickets to Sunburn in Goa.  Christmas is gonna be amazin –  an Iroish crew turnin up and a few special lindy mates from Germanyland too :)

I walked three hours for this

The same person (me!) who in Ireland prefers Café Sol to Starbucks Coffee is now happy to walk three hours for a cup of instant coffee and a Dosa (Indian Pancake).  Well worth the walk, it was bloody lovely!

I have to admit I didn't think my trip would be like this.  I've done my fair share of hard travelling in Africa and S. America and for some reason thought that a project 100km from Goa would at least provide the respite of bright lights and mojitos at the weekends.  How wrong I was, it takes 3 hours to walk to the nearest town, 7 hours to Goa on the bus.  However, walking through the forest this afternoon nearly cracking my teeth on some freshly pulled sugarcane with the only sound above the jungle nature being the children playing in the school, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Headlines this week:                                                                 

• I get more uninvited guests in my room and get a Popeye arm as a result
• 545am wake up bell, morning yoga by the lake with a poetic soundtrack
• I cold call India – the tables are reversed
• How hard can sitting really be?

I remember only a year ago reading a bedtime story to my cute little godson Charlie.  At the time I considered ‘Ring Around the Rose’ was a bit risqué as it was about the Black Plague, ‘Humpty Dumpty’ a bit scary as at the end he’s DEAD but thinking that ‘Goodnight sleeptight’ was a safe bet.  No.  This week I woke up with bed bugs.  I’m really glad I took my beach photos in Thailand as being the vain eejit I am my body is now black and blue with mosquito and bed bug rashes.  I also had a few encounters with the lovely scorpion ant here resulting in a mini Popeye arm reaction to one bite and no hearing for a day from another bite inside my ear.  I’m guessing it’s karma from me spending most of my childhood trying to kill ants in my parent’s garden.

Apart from that there have been few new stories with the creepies.  Baptiste, a French volunteer recalled how the last time he was here a snake entered the shower and he bolted out naked through the school.  Last night Baptiste got shocked down to the ground when he was charging his phone (humans are used to ‘earth’ the electricity here!) so I’ll be keeping an eye on him as he seems to attract the best stories.

It is great having the kids here.  I’ve worked on quite a few projects with disadvantaged children before and it’s truly special to see children from such harsh backgrounds feeling so much joy and happiness from the simplest of things such a wholesome meal and playing ball with their friends.  It soon wakes you up to what’s important in life.  With this project, I’m however, in the office and this week the fundraising team started kicking into action.  I’ve been mentoring the two fundraisers here on how to work with corporates and this week we had our first day of cold calling.  Felt odd calling Indians when they have always been the ones calling me but it worked well.  From our first 6 calls into large corporates in Bangalore we booked 5 meetings with decision makers, and then my battery went.  I remember coming up with some cracking excuses before for not making my targets but never lack of power.  Lucky for us we’d already broken our target and now have 10 days full of meetings to tell people with large purse strings in Bangalore all about this inspiring project.

Now that the kids are back the wake up bell is 545am.  Not quite as bad as it might sound, although tis a little chilly in the morning (yes people of Europe I’m having to cope with temperatures below 10 degrees at night ;) ).  The day starts with the kids practicing their Hindustani classical music.  We have an orchestra here so if you can imagine this on a smaller scale: 

It ain’t half bad.  I then give a yoga class at 630 by the lake.  Sounds almost like a dream when I read that back.  However, we have to put up with mosquito invasions and the occasional villager walking back from the fields and fulfilling their toilet requirements at the lake (then having a wash…..Wateraid India is my next project!).  Shavasana with the peace of the jungle and hum of orchestra in the distance is pretty special but was topped off this week by Swedish volunteer Adina getting a rude awakening by a line of termites eating her mat.  We also sometimes have the poetic Asian sound of Phlegm removal from the locals…….and breathe out…….OM ;)

The day then starts with Nashta (breakfast) and so the days chores start as all the children queue up to wash their hands in order that they can pass their hygiene test and get a plate.  Plates are then cleaned with ash from the kitchen, demonstrating the cleaning power of carbon; something that a European doctor travelling through a few weeks ago thought might be funny to experiment with when prepping for operations in front of his patients!  The meals here are basic but quite special.  We worked out the other day that with the 200 children the average cost of each meal is around 7 cents.  Do you know of any ingredient you can buy for 7 cents? It’s pretty impressive.  

Food time @KSV

The children all sing their grace in harmony then sit content feeding themselves apart from the occasional one who hasn't seen the ginger bearded tall pasty chap before and asks repeated “Wat is your nome”.  Eating in India is where the pace of the country starts.  I’m an adrenaline monkey with little patience but starting with yoga then eating hot Nashta with my hands soon slows things down.   I have to admit, I’m beginning to slow down and cannot wait to see the results of me being here for 6 months.  All meals are taken sitting on the floor, as are classes and my meetings.  That’s a whole lot of sitting plus if you show the sole of your feet it’s an insult.  Indian’s are truly great at this art.  I’m not, however, the pain of sitting on a stone floor during meetings is an excellent distraction from my caffeine withdrawal symptoms. 

Meetings here are unique.  Granted I’m on a rural project and my corp meetings will be different in Bangalore but imagine a big mud hut full of the staff here sitting on the floor (which is, I note, dried cow dung).  What then proceeds is a mix of mobile phones going off, people eating Paan (mouth freshener), the poetic phlegm removal sounds, constant talking over each other and somehow stuff gets done. There is also a classic mix of Khiglish  (Hindi/Kannada/English) with my favourite sentences of the week being:

“He is my cousin’s brother”

 and “What sort of company is it?” ……….”It is a firm sir”

Oddly The Irish Language is one of my reasons for choosing this project.  I remember 10 years ago when I first moved to Ireland how everyone's focus was on getting the newest car in their road and how many apartments they were renting out in D4.  The soul of Ireland, the community based living was fading with the get rich quick Celtic tiger and the language was dying.  Luckily people copped on and just before it was too late and the Irish Language was lost it went through a revival now forming part of any cool kids summer holiday plans.  Hindustani music is in a similar situation here.  It is a massive part of the heritage but 'west is best' is taking over and it's slowly being lost among all the Starbucks and Bollywood movies.  Can we hold on to this special part of Indian history? Is Feidir Linn!




Back to my walk to Dharwar as I took some pretty pics along the way and it really felt like quite a treat of a day.  When you only get 1 day off a week you really appreciate your time off, especially if you have the additional bonus of instant coffee and better internet.  This week the internet wasn’t so good.  In 20 minutes, I read one email whilst all the local children watched my every move from behind (something people also seem to love to do when you are entering your Chip and PIN in shops here).  Then there was a powercut, and that, is the last I saw of my online banking ;).   

Some of the locals on the way to Dharwad........

The gate to no-where.  Just a gate in the middle of a field

Dharwar also has a decent fruit market.  As a foodie, markets are one of my favourite places when I’m travelling, and India has some of the best.  Indian towns and cities are infused with madness; there is very little respite from the odours of Kerosene, Diesel, Incense, Sewage, Burning Rubbish, Sweets, more kerosene.  The markets, however, seem to provide some respite by filling the air full of sweet fruits and flowers.  However  you never escape the car horns and feeling that you are being pushed along in the world’s largest conveyer belt of humans all saying “Wat is your nom”, “Hey man”, “Where are you fram?” and the occasional beggar spotting white skin and putting their arm out.  The one thing that India has on that conveyer belt that no other country has in such abundance is Cows.  You get used to seeing cows everywhere.  From sticking their heads through the window in the morning to walking across the busiest junctions in the cities and the traffic coming to a standstill:  Cows rule this joint.

Some of the kids in the local village

Last night was the first night I’ve really chilled out since arriving in India.  I did plenty of lounging around in Thailand but here things have been manic (in a good way).  However, it was a volunteer’s birthday last night which meant the rare consumption of alcohol on the project (in contradiction to most other volunteer projects I’ve worked on!).  We made a fire up by the volunteers hut and ze French legends Baptiste and Chloe gave us dough to cook over the fire then dip in their homemade papaya jam and tomato sauce.  A clear sky full of stars was then made even better with some local rum punch and tings round the fire.  Two guitars and a harmonica appeared and the night turned into a camp fire to remember. Good Night India.

Night Night, Sleep Tight and Mind the Bed Bugs don’t Bite!

I nearly get lucky at Diwali and The Vengboys come to town

On the morning of Diwali I woke at 6am with the sounds of the jungle and a tap at my door.  I thought I’d got lucky and was just about to reach for The Barry White ablum when I saw a monkey's arm come round the door.  At least he’d knocked.  The monkies here are pests.  I’ve worked with monkies before and they can be fun but here they come in gangs breaking into huts and steal food, even going so far as to take the tiles of the roof and abseiling each other in like a scene from Mission Impossible.  Lucky for me I was in and my banana stock was saved for the day.  

Diwali is The Hindu Festival of light, celebrating the end of the harvest with a mission to banish evil by lighting lots of candles and offering of gifts and prayers to the goddess Lakshmi.  Although, quite religious, the most visible parts of the festival are decorating everything and I mean ‘everything’ in tinsel and throwing firecrackers at anything that moves.  Based on the amount I had thrown at me, I am pure evil!  We headed down to the local village (pop 150) to celebrate and after visiting several houses to make Pooja (gifts for Lakshmi, the most common one being a plate of cow manure - they love their cows here) we were blasted with the one big speaker in the village playing Western Dance music.  Gangnam Style cracked through the speaker and all the local mud faced children cracked a smile and jumped up and down doing the Gangnam.  The Koreans have A LOT to answer for!  As I haven’t danced in a while I felt obliged to jump in the middle of about 30 kids.  Here is the output.  It might not be pretty but it was hilarious and resulted in one of the local drunks challenging me to a dance off which means I’m now pretty much barred from the village.  I’ll see if we can dig out that video for next time!

So to explain my first project.  KSV is a school which provides education, accommodation, food and healthcare free of charge to +200 underprivileged children in rural southern India.  The project's being going strong for 10 years but with costs increasing and their income sources decreasing they need help.  I'm here to work with their fundraising team to setup a framework for them to work with local Corporates and be self sufficient for the next 3-5 years.  Not an easy task and not quite as boring as it sounds (although when I'm sat in an office at 8pm with a headtorch on I'm not no sure).  At the moment it's school holiday and the place is quiet, new volunteers turned up earlier this week so I'm no longer swo wonsome and don't have to survive with my Hinglish.  200 kids should turn up tomorrow and here's a few faces from the school before it gets crazy.  Right now it's just like camping in the jungle but as of tomorrow I've a feeling it will be more like a zoo :)

Here's just a few important people at the School - The Cook Camla.....as of tomorrow feeding 200 children 3 times/day!

Some of the local kids dropping by before school starts

I'm sure they'll be lots of cute kids here tomorrow but Suprita joined us for yoga this morning by the lake and deserved a photo

Some locals pulling a HAPPY face for Diwali 

I'll be travelling to Bangalore in a few weeks to start introducing the project to corporates and attend a musical concert being played by the school orchestra.  One of my meetings is at 7.15am and I have a 15 second pitch into 50 CXOs.  I looked in the mirror yesterday and as I resembled a cross between Stig of the Dump and Robinson Crusoe decided a trip to the barber was needed.  I remember an experience at a Barber in Peru when I didn't speak Spanish and my only point of reference was a New Kids on the Block poster.  I was hoping my first India experience would be better.  I was wrong.  Never ever get a shave at an Indian Barber when there is cricket on the TV.  To top it off my barber had hiccups and despite repeatedly asking him not to trim my tash (I wanted to grow it so I could wax it up into an Indian curly), he chopped right into it.  Lucky for me it wasn't too brutal.  I know another volunteer who went in looking like ZZ Top and came out looking like Freddie Mercury.  The Indians LOVE their tashes.  Here is a salute to Movember back home..........

Don’t tell my mum

So I’ve finally arrived at my first project.  Upon arrival here I saw a cobra, yesterday there was a report of a tiger killing a cow only a few kms away, and the kids at the school like to tease the local scorpions by lassoing their tails with string and parading them through the school.  This is a long way from Dundrum.

Welcome to my blog.  We could start at my little culture shock of being on such a remote project in Southern India but I’ve already been away for a month and travelled via the homes of both Jane Austin and Ping Pong shows so I’ll start from the beginning.

I spent the first week back in Sense and Sensibility County, my birthplace, Hampshire.  It was a simple fuel stop for food, wine and catching up with family and mates plus my mum ironing all my stuff before I packed it (vital when travelling in India).

My first stop out of Europe was Singapore, which is what I’d describe as ‘fancy pants’.  As an example, my friend’s apartment I was staying in had a 800m running track on the outside of the 50 storey three apartment block (Google ‘The Pinnacle’ in Singapore).  I indulged in more good food and saw the exceptional sights from bars high above in my trekking pants and Havianas (much to many a doorman’s dismay).   

 

My friend Sidonie and I then headed to Thailand.  I hadn’t been since my early 20s and knew ticked all the boxes for easy travel, sun, amazing food and the occasional ping pong.  We checked in to a stunning isolated resort on Ko Phi Phi, an island which had completely destroyed by the Tsunami nearly a decade ago and despite huge loss the place is  once again a buzzing resort with some hidden pockets around the rest of the island where you can find some great Pina Colada, sink into the sand and reeelax :)

After a brief stop back in Singapore and my last dose of luxury for a while, I boarded the plane to Mumbai.  My first few days were spent in an Ashram meeting the Wateraid team to discuss my role starting in March 2013.  I also managed to squeeze in day city tour opting to go with the locals for the price of RUP200 (about €2.50, the same price I’d paid for a Magnum in Singapore!).  It was my first real India experience, I didn’t understand a word of the tour guide and we went to big sites like ‘A shopping centre’ (Nutgrove…….all is forgiven) and ‘A cinema’ but I spent the whole day talking to Indians and I felt like I’d arrived.  The guide is below.  Please note that I didn't 'love' any children.

After 4 days in Mumbai I took the overnight sleeper to Dharwar.  Despite me having to adjust my sleeping pattern to the seller’s constant shouts of ‘Chai, chai, chai’ and my 6”1 body sticking out into the aisle I loved it.  I woke up by hanging out the side of the train tasting my first bit of Rural India and then having a ginger coconut curry for breakfast.  That beats my usual porridge and coffee routine ;)

So here I am on my first project, I’ll go into more detail as to what I’m doing in another blog but this one is basically raising funds for a rural based school.  And rural indeed it is.  We are 1 hour from the nearest town Dharwar and we've little electricity.   I’m living in a mud hut, sharing with lizards and spiders who kindly keep the mosquito quota low.  I’ve also had some new roomies in with the last rain of the monsoon, whenever it rains aswell as my little hut leaking I am joined by a swarm of dwarf frogs. I'm the only volunteer here right now so looking forward to the new group arriving next week.

WARNING: IF EATING STOP NOW

Despite the food being simply amazing in India I have had one 24hours of my stomach ‘acclimatising’.  No matter how hard you try to sanitise your hands every minute it’s difficult to avoid the generosity of the locals offering food.  It was the one day I had to travel for 2 hours from the school (to use the internet!) and having spent the night hovering over a hole with my headtorch on I ended up spending the day with a fever retching out the side of the bus whenever we stopped.  Lucky for me it was just 24 hours.   However, I also learnt a vital lesson I’m a ciotóg and ate with my left hand the first day I arrived here.  I’ve since changed. 

So what are my first impressions of this nation of +1 billion people where 1/3 of the world’s poorest people live with an economy taking the world stage by storm?  I wake up at 6am to the sound of children practicing their classical Indian music and the noise of the older lads rallying around to start a quick cricket match before they start work.  Work practice here is 6 days a week and the cities prove from the overpowering stench of kerosene and sirens of horns that this nation is industrious. 'West is Best' might be gripping the country but the heritage and warmth of the people still remains strong and I love it.

To make communication easier for me here (internet is 1 hour/day – which might sound a good thing but not when you have money to raise!) I’ve a phone and I’d love to hear from you. As we only have electricity for a few hours/day I limit switching my phone on at night to 6-8pm (1.30-3pm GMT) – call or sms me - I 'm on +91 97 417 22 362.

If you’d like to come visit you can come to the school, or you could meet me in Goa for Christmas.  It’s Asia’s biggest dance festival (Sunburn - http://sunburn.in/?festival=sunburn-goa-2012) plus Goa state has the lowest alcohol tax (Barcardi Black around €10 a bottle) and I remember seeing prices for package holidays to Goa for around €300 from Ireland..... so what are you waiting for?

Thanks to everyone who’s been emailing, liking my photos on facebook! Chat soon

Mister Kris