Bangalore - all work no play

• 1^st class travel = 1^st class assholes
• The funny side of Indian Job Interviews
• Ear rape (repeat offence)
• Why Indians can ‘never’ say no

Last week I went to Bangalore to meet with some of the KSV supporters/donors and have interviews to recruit KSV a full time fundraiser.  Usually a feast for the material senses (hot showers, internet, good food and working phone network).  Here’s the carrot salad I got on my arrival. Go on go on …..spoil  yerself ;)

I decided to travel AC1 (1^st class) on the sleeper train to Bangalore as only 1^st and 2^nd class were available so I thought for an extra $7 I’d see how the other half live.  India rail moves 25m passengers/day, runs like clockwork and upon first appearances AC1 didn’t disappoint.  I’ve done this route in AC3 and sleeper (3^rd and 4^th class) and usually sleep well in AC3 but the extra space, the soap in the toilets and bins which looked like they got used were quite a treat. 

The customers, however, were first class assholes.  Each and every one of them shouted into their phone until late at night. Each, also having their laptops open staring intensely at the screen as if to click ‘yes’ on a multimillion dollar transaction yet when I looked, they were playing solitaire.  They were older middle class Indians (one wore a stone washed denim jacket proof he travelled overseas regularly……last century).  

In all Indian trains there is the below sign.  With all the space in AC1 it’s very obvious. 

At midnight I was very surprised when the man with the denim jacket came into the cabin shouting into his phone.  That’s not so unusual on Indian Rail but I thought in AC1 people might be able to read.  He then switched all the lights on and flustered trying to make his bed for a while then buzzed (yes you have a buzzer in AC1) the guard.    The guard came in and he demanded (in English, I think it was to impress me which he would have done if he wasn’t being a prick and hadn’t woken me) that the guard make his bed.  He stood with his hands on his hips commanding instructions to the guard to tuck in the sheets extra well.  1^st class cock.

Funnily enough on my 10cents bus journey to the train station I’d been treated to fruits and a paid ticket by a local family with their leaving comment (and only English) ‘please return to India’.  Like I said, funny how the other half live.

Previous times when I’d visited Bangalore it had been to meet corporate supporters and indulge in a bit of the nightlife after living life like a monk on the project.   This time I didn’t get party (UK/Ireland – you’re gonna have to help me out with that), instead my goal was to help recruit a permanent fundraiser for the school.  They have been looking for 2 years.  Some of the job applications we got were firkin hilarious.  One guy even included a picture of him in Washington DC saying ‘this is a picture of me in America’.  One cancelled his interview 1 hour before it was due on email stating ‘I will come at 1230 instead as this time suits me better’  when I had told him I had back to back meetings and could only meet him in the morning.  Fail.

It felt really weird wearing trousers with a belt and shoes.  I’ve got quite used to wearing a kurta and pajama pants (yes, half of me is now a skanger).   As I found a barber who spoke English I treated to myself  to a haircut and shave and was comforted in his ability to understand my ‘please don’t shave my forehead’.  I also got a head massage (50 cents……can’t go wrong).  The last time I did this was in Goa last year and the same thing happened (see photo at bottom of this blog).  Ear Rape.  The guy produced what looked like a small lawn mower engine and put it on the back of his hand.  Said device was a vibrator and he put his hand on my head then fingers in my ear. Shocking at first but after the initial freaky feeling quite pleasant.  Try it you might like it ;)

I managed to get a car and a driver donated for the 5 days I was there.  Driving in Bangalore does feel like an arcade driving game.  Luckily, my driver Vasu was by Indian standards safe, however, specialized in going against the flow of traffic and around roundabouts the wrong way.

My wheels in Bangalore....where good things come in small packages:

My first meeting was with a Indian music band manager who support the school.  It’s not often that you get the response to ‘so how’s business’ as ‘well it’s just Britney Spears and One Direction ahead of us on iTunes.  Classic.  A complete gentlemen and reminded me of how egos work when only a week before when I’d met a famous music promoter he had pointed at a venue saying “I have put on more than 100 gigs on here”, then paused and looked at me and said “Chris, how many gigs have I put on here?”.   I bet he travels first class on the train.

On the subject of ego, I got angry with Vasu one day which I’m a little ashamed of but it comes down to Indians not being able to say no.  Despite me calling ½ half before he was due to arrive (his response “I will be there in 15 minutes sar”) everyday Vasu was late without fail which resulted in me being late for meetings.  Something I do not do.  On the day of a very important meeting I’d emphasized the importance of arriving on time.   He was 45 minutes late then told me he had to leave early leaving me stranded for the rest of the day.  It wasn’t the end of the world but at the time my bank had locked not only my ATM but also my PIN and I had about $10 to my name which doesn’t last very long in Bangalore. 

To give you another example of Indians being too proud to saying “no” (instead wiggling their head and smiling) l booked a taxi to the train station (emphasizing that the hotel staff tell the taxi driver which train station I’m going to).  I reconfirmed when I got in the taxi and received gleaming smile and wiggling head, then 30 minutes later whilst picking his nose (he must have hit a nerve in his brain) he said ‘railway station or bus station sar’?

It was a treat to have the selection of food you can get in an Indian city.  I ate in 5* hotels which was exceptional cuisine but never feels like India just an AC bubble full of carbon copy American business men wearing jeans too high and shirts tucked in.  Some of the best food I had was around the back of the powerhouses of India’s business parks where all the IT workers gorged on the street food.  5 minutes walk from all the 5* restaurants and hotels you could have fantastic food and enjoy the real buzz of the place.  I ended up having lunch in one US Company during a meeting and was given a chicken dish.  I’m used to not mentioning I’m veg here as opposed to the west it’s the norm but the staff looked at me in horror and said ‘but all white people’ are meat eaters.   It's like the western reaction to veggies in the 1970s - so retro :)

The 5 days were busy right to the end.  I interviewed the last candidate on the train ending as it was pulling out of Bangalore train station.  I’m pretty confident we’ve found our guy which delights me. 

The new CEO for Wateraid India is working with my Fundraising strategy #1 goal to change the culture of the local organsation and we’re going to have a very good fundraiser to build KSV into an even more amazing project than it is now.  I’m still working with both organizations and doing some stuff with TED Talks India but I’m definitely leaving on a high.

One sad note for Christmas.  I had a few email requests for me to buy 18 again the vaginal tightening gel which is so subtlety advertised across Bangalore. 

 

The bad news is I found out how much it is.  $50US.  My present budget doesn't stretch that far.  It kinda sickens me that in a country where sex is such a suppressed subject advertisers are manipulating the uneducated section of the population with such shite.  I think there should be one for the gentlemen who want to be 18 again.  It retails here for about 50 cents and is probably just as useful as the $50 18 again ;)

I am SO lucky to be living here – Kalkeri Sangeet Vidyalaya, Dharwad. Pt II

My daily schedule part II

• The work bootie call
• Too many snakes in the shower
• Hungry Caterpillars
• A puppy in the toilet

After lunch I usually get a shower as by that time the water bucket has been in the sun for a while.  It’s a simple open hut made of bamboo with no roof so you often have monkies checking you out from above.  Last week after my first bucket of cold water I saw something move very close to my head and all of a sudden saw this (not my photo):

I did run out of the hut but unlike a friend Baptiste who witnessed the same last year I grabbed my towel.  Enough of the snake jokes.  The other volunteers came running to see the snake peg it up the tree.  As always, the creatures we most fear are bricking it when they see us.   However, 50,000 people die every year in India due to snake bites so it’s good to be cautious ;)  The night before I had made a fire and spent 10 minutes gathering wood and leaves in the dark (my headtorch was broken) from around where the shower is.  I won’t be doing that again in the dark!

Ants, Mosquitoes and Caterpillars are the only thing here that we regularly get stung from.  My mum used to read ‘The very hungry caterpillar’ to me when I was a toddler   and I never remember a baddie in a James Bond film putting a caterpillar in his bed but these bad boys are pretty poisonous if you touch them.  Quite pretty too:

Whilst on the subject of animals, I missed the dogs here.  Mama Love was my favorite and for the first few days I didn't see her around, then I found out she’d been nesting as she was pregnant.  The next few nights she chose my hut to nest outside, crying all night and digging a hold under the side of my wall.  She then found her best shelter to give birth in the toilet.  Safe considering some of the other dogs here eat puppies.  However, it had other dangers.  The day after her four puppies were born the water butt in the toilet overflowed on top of the puppies.  Had it not been for a passing volunteer hearing Mama Love’s screams they would have drowned.  It was quite a mess to rescue them as the toilet is a hole in the floor and two puppies ended up sliding down the hole.  Luckily all puppies were rescued and are fine.  This is her new nest.  A purpose built one :)

Before I go back to the office I like to do a head stand.  I know, aren’t  I special?  Teaching yoga everyday means I don’t get to practice much myself and a head stand is my asana of choice when I get the chance.  I try to hold it for +3 minutes.  Try doing that with mosquitoes biting you, monkies checking out the white eejit upside down from above in the trees and a dog licking your face.  It’s my daily challenge!

1345 Back to the office.  What do I do when I’m working? Well I’m trying to get supporters and funding for the school.  All 250 kids get accommodation, food, education and healthcare at no cost.  And each of those kids has come from a deprived background yet the school has given them hope and turned them into little Indians with a very bright future :).  If you’d like to sponsor a student click here.

Fundraising takes time.  It’s all about building relationships and last time I was here I met with +200 companies (thanks speed networking) and was hoping that some of the relationships would have developed into good partnerships.  Unfortunately despite the excellent management at the school the admin staff hadn't followed up.  Instead they did what I like to call a ‘Bootie call’.  Actually, scrap that, it was a ‘Pimped Bootie call’.  I introduced them to a good supporter last year.  The supporter helped the school and didn't get a thank you.  I inquired to Admin as to what the next stage was “well sar I shall call them when we need something”.  I used to be a fan of bootie calls until I realized that a proper relationship is far more rewarding.

Depending on how long my laptop battery lasts if the power is down I work until around 5 then go for a walk with the dogs and other volunteers.  If there’s enough time this could mean a walk to the local lake to bathe with the buffaloes and anything else that’s in the water or to Kalkeri the local village. 

The local lake and some of the villagers on their 'commuter run':

The end of the day is a peaceful time with all the farm workers returning from the fields.  To give you an example of the interactions we have, last week I spent 30 minutes trying to get a local boy to ride his bike (brakes not really working, flat tyres and a frame that could be used in Olympic weightlifting) to ride over some rough terrain.  I’m no MTB pro but I've some friends who are so I've learnt some techniques which I shared with this guy so watch out for future MTB champs coming from Kalkeri!

The village has a real charm at sunset.  The village is very rural yet used to seeing western volunteers so walking though you get a good balance of them acting out their lives whilst offering a smile and “what is your name”.   As I did last year, I took nearly 200 photos of the villagers and printed them to give out.  The distribution was a bit of a blood bath with all the kids jumping on me to get their photo first but a local auntie stepped in and calmed them down.  Then at one point I managed to run away from +20 screaming kids.  I guess my ankle is fixed now!  

Despite the development of requests for ‘photo photo’  since I've started printing them off I get an amazing reception in the village.  Every time I go to town I have families on the bus wanting to be my friend.   Last week, a lady picked up an orange peel from my lap and without saying anything just squeezed it into my eye.  She then did the same to her own eye showing that it didn't mean harm.   Oddly if felt quite refreshing, I think it might have been a one off though as I tried it yesterday and it hurt like hell.  After that same bus ride I got off and an Auntie came up to me, smiled and said Namaste then gave me half of her bags and pointed up the hill.  To be fair they usually carry more on their heads than I carry on my back so I complied to her order, I think she was one of the few I hadn't taken a photo of so fair is fair.

Here's a few photos from the village:

In the evening I go back to the office for a while to wrap up work and write this blog!  The evening is mosquito prime time so sitting in the office with the only lights coming from your laptop screen and your headtorch is a massive incentive for all the local flies, moths and mosquitoes to play kamikaze with your face.  It’s a lot more pleasant than Orange in the eye!

A few nights a week we have clubs for the kids which the volunteers run.  They can be anything from extra computer studies to capoeira (we have some very creative volunteers).  I've only taught kids yoga a few times but my achievement was getting 4 teenage boys to lie still in savasana for 4 minutes.  Unbelievable :)

The college boys also get extra lessons at night and I've been teaching them about socioeconomics and presentation skills.  They are very sharp lads and keen to get involved in helping the school whilst learning.  So to try and be more unique among 3.3m charities in India they are all putting together 30 second videos as to why this school is unique.  I’m proud of the lads!

Late Night:   So late night for me is 10pm.  After dinner I usually head to my hut to write my journal, yoga class prep or read.  Once in a while I pop to the volunteer house to socialize with the guys who are usually playing the guitar, singing and on ‘special’ nights eating cheese that a new volunteer will have brought. 

Days are very busy here so sleep comes easy.  All with the knowledge that the wakeup call will be the buzz of nature pierced by Hindustani vocals at 0530.  Amazing.  

Christmas prize (I'll bring something back from India) for the best caption (in the comments) on the below picture........this is my sponsor child holding the big stick:

I am SO lucky to be living here – Kalkeri Sangeet Vidyalaya, Dharwad. Pt I

This is one of my favourite NGO projects in the world.  If you have any interest in music, a well run NGO and living in rural India then you have to check this place out.

• A very very special place
• The consequences of touching an Indian lady
• What happens when the Yoga teacher breaks Ahimsa (non-violence)……Karma

Me in the local village.......just out for a walk

Arriving back at KSV at the beginning of November is an odd time to arrive.  The c250 kids are on holiday so bar a few families of the skeleton staff the place is empty.  It did, however, give me some quiet time to catch up on office work.  I was also delighted to be there for Diwali as a) I hate having firecrackers thrown in my face in the cities and b) there was ‘festival food’ at the school which beats school dinners.

Now that the kids have come back life is very different.  There’s an amazing energy and despite me not working with the kids as I’ve been here a few times lots of them know my name (here it’s 'Krrish' which they sometimes confuse with an Indian superhero - just for the record I'm not a fan of wearing PVC...so it's not me).    I don’t have kids but love the energy and love I get from just my godson so when there are 250 running around the place it’s really quit special ( and a little noisy).  You feel truly lucky when you are walking around here, the best climate in India (25-30 degrees energy everyday).   

Here's a video I made last year (and this is QUIET as all the kids are in class)...

Now that I’ve been here just over a month, an average day looks something like this:

0530 Wake up with the noise of kids moving (250 kids living on campus in the forest is pretty noisy!).  Shine my torch across the floor to check for creepies, have a quick bucket wash and throw some clothes on.  Quickest ‘wake up’ so far, seeing a big spider run out of my t-shirt under torch light.  I now keep all and my yoga mat off the floor (I once had a snake coiled up under my yoga mat!). 

0545 I head to the mud hut where I teach yoga 6 days/week.  I go via lots of cobwebs and the toilet shining the torch into the water bucket first hoping there are no rats there.  Then I get there early to get the place full of incense smoke and turn on the music so that there is a chilled ambiance when the sleepy punters arrive.  Despite this being Southern India it’s cold early in the morning.  I've even had my yoga students turn up with hats on a few times (but cold here is 13 degrees ;) )

0600 – Yoga class for staff and volunteers and is usually done by torch for the first 45 mins as there is no electricity.  Before the kids came back morning yoga was at 0630 and I once saw a massive spider run across someone’s yoga mat during Savasana (meditation).  Now it’s at 0600 and dark.  We don’t see anything.  

This is the kids doing their yoga....

The only real pest during Yoga is mosquitoes.  As the teacher I should really be practicing Ahimsa and not killing anything but for mosquitoes I ignore that rule. On two occasions I've had immediate Kama when trying to slap a mosquito in a yoga asana by me falling over on my ass.

I've only had one female member of staff come a few times and the first was quite a shock.  I’m conscious not to invade the space of Indian women.  It’s just the rules but I’d already asked this one if it was OK if I gave her a very gentle massage during savasana.  I might as well have slapped her.  She jumped up in horror when I touched her.  Not the best savasana ;)

I've loved teaching the class as this is the first time I've had regulars so I can build up and add new stuff such as music and dance meditation.  And that’s when the children usually poke their heads through the window. They do music practice from 0600-0715 but if they hear music will run up the hill to watch the adults dance like mad loons.

This is what I wake up to every morning - pretty special!

0730 – Class finishes I head to the office to check my email (when there is no-one else there ‘sometimes’ the internet runs quicker so I can sync easily).  Some days there is no internet so getting in quick is important!

0800 – Nashta/Breakfast.  The volunteers usually eat together for this on the steps outside of the kitchen.  My favourite quote over Nasta “Did you wake with the cock this morning?” from a Belgian volunteer who it seems was referring to this:

0830 – Before work I hang out all my bed linen to kill off any bed bugs (I've had bed bugs and fleas this just helps in the war against infestation!).  I also sweep my floor to discourage unwanted visitors (regular visitors include frogs, lizards and spiders (none of which I mind as they eat flies :) ), ants one snake and luckily no scorpions so far).  This is usually the time when the monkies also arrive in their gang and cause havoc by breaking into our huts in search of food.  I had my room destroyed a few times on my last stay here but since then I've stopped eating bananas (odd one I know) and no longer shout or throw stuff at monkies I just ignore them.  And this time, not a single visit from the little buggers.  Ahimsa does pay……happy days :)

Morning time in the office:  Quite a treat as there is usually power which means I’m not watching my battery icon or frustrated as I cannot work on the internet.  If there is no power at all then I jump on the bus at 0915 and head to the nearest town (1 hour) away to work there. I work in the only café with wifi.  Opened only in October, Cafelicious is where all the local cool kids go to have their pictures taken with their shades on.  It’s firkin hilarious.  It’s also made me realize I no longer like coffee (don’t quote me on this when I’m back in Euroland).  I hadn't had coffee in about 3 months then on seeing the fancy expresso machines at Cafelicious indulged in two days of caffeine.  I felt so rough and decided that I am 100% a tea chap, and a herbal one at that.  I surprise the staff at Cafelicious on every visit by asking to have the AC and ‘One Direction’ on loop switched off.   Despite a few young lads coming in to take their photo drinking coffee (see it IS cool) I’m usually the only customer so can ask kindly that I my office on the corner table is non AC sin musica– sorry lads this is not bollywood.

If there is power I stay in the school.  I usually spend the first 30 minutes locked into my emails with my headphones on as the office gets noisy with all the staff arriving.  This is not the wisest move.  My music choice is often soft Indian classical music, however, sometimes the shuffle arrives on a random song like the nice hip hop jingle from Meek Mill “Face Down Ass Up”.  So as I’m greeting the staff with a smile, a nod and sometimes a prayer motion my ears are listening to “Face Down Ass Up……That’s the way we like to f@ck”.  Luckily what comes out of my mouth is “Namaste, Auntie”.

When there is power at the office the internet is a slow churn but it works. The bigger issue for me is network coverage.  There is no coverage in the office so I constantly get SMSs when walking out saying please call me.  Then when the network gives me a tease and I get a call I have to bolt it out f the office and run down a mud path or better still all the way to the office where I get three bars!

Lunch is around 1300, there are two sessions so that the 250 kids don’t all have to squeeze into the yogashala together.  A bell rings and the first half rush out to wash their hands (there only ticket to a plate) then queue up for their school dinners.  

Proof of clean hands in exchange for a plate

Noodles (a fav at breakfast)

Food serving

The food is basic but has improved massively since last time, with a new nutrition review so despite a really tight budget (about 10 cents per student/meal)  with a lot more veggies and even sprout dishes.  Meals are often a power struggle from the kids to get your attention and time to sit with them.  

Although we probably shouldn't have a preference, mine is with the small girls (I sponsor Sujata who is in first standard - sitting with her and her mates are hilarious).  And with the college boys as they provide the most stimulating conversations. 

Sujata and her mates....

I guess there is a danger having someone who’s favored social topic of the year has been tantra talk to the college boys but apart from swearing my conversations are squeaky clean here.  We do have frank chats about alcohol (one of them was told it gives them more muscles!), girls and drugs.   The boys are bright, seriously bright.  Great examples of how children in extreme poverty with no hope of education can be rescued by an NGO and end up having really bright futures. :)

I also spend time with the college boys on the bus when I’m going to the local town and I let them listen to my iPod.  The shuffle is switched off so they never get to hear Meek Mill with his timeless “Face Down Ass Up”.  The last dose they got included Vanessa Mae (a few are violin players), Tchaikovsky , Broken Bullets, Tuba Skinny and DJ Schomolli.  Sharing music with musicians is always a pleasure especially when they've had little exposure to western stuff.  

Best they never hear this.....The lyrical Meek Mill at 1.51 on this video

Here's just some of the 100s of photos of the students here.......too many happy faces to snap :)

Very comfy in Mysore

• Palace Malice
• The perfect Ashram?
• My blog used as an academic reference
• Rats on and off screen in the cinema

I know it’s pretty, but I’m bored off my hole of palaces so spent 30 minutes here and 2 hours exploring the local markets.  These infused with the famed local sandalwood incense were a feast on the senses…..

Free waste disposal service

My favourite sign in the market...

My fav tash in the market

My reason for coming to MySore was to visit AyurYoga Eco-Ashram the new Ashram built close to MySore by the yoga leader who had led my YTT and reputed to be one of the largest ashrams in southern India. 

Here's Krish describing his vision......it's going to be a very special place!

Although only partially built this place blew me away.  It was quite a special reunion, meeting the staff who 8 months earlier had seen me complete my YTT on crutches.  I had a chai with the cook, Sonar who I’d taught to swim in Kerala, and most importantly was still swimming.  I then went to a lecture with Swami Jii in which he referenced my blog when talking about marriage, I felt totally honoured :)

Me with Sonar

Me with Krish and Swami Jii

The YTT group was very different to mine.  This one was just 8 girls; there was no-where to hide or people to sleep behind when you were tired out.  All sat in each class with perfect straight backs which my group did for the 1^st day (after  that moving every 5 minutes like a game of musical chairs).  This was their 2^nd week. I was impressed.  Sitting in a few lectures, despite nearly teaching yoga 100 lessons myself I felt as if I needed to do the course again.  I was tempted even more by the fact that this place was the most peaceful Ashram I’d been to and there were absolutely zero mosquitoes.  Highly recommended – check out the website for upcoming courses.

Some of the classes with the perfect posture ladies!

Ahhhhh sweet savasana :)

On my last night in Mysore I had another spin through the city on the back of a bike by a kind neighbour on the local bus who wanted to carry on our chat about what I was doing in India instead of me getting a rickshaw.  At this stage of my trip I've had +50 strangers offer me a lift on the back of their bikes, it’s been a great experience but this time on the back of a small moped with a 20 stone Indian once again I mused on the idea of safety.  I wonder if I'll do the same when I get home?!

I then went to the cinema to see my first Bollywood flick on the big screen.   I've seen plenty of Bollywood films and been to the cinema here too but this mix was different.  Firstly, the cinema was a hole.  I had a family of rats and cockroaches running over my feet.  The audience was 90% male and the mood was of testosterone reinforced by all the stereotypes.  The Movie 'Bhai' was a story about a gangster who walked everywhere followed by his entourage of white people in bikinis/swimsuits (no Indians – just us westerners looking like whores); he shouted, spat and shot at people, then headed to the bedroom with the white girls.  Some horrendous stereotypes which even make a 1960s James Bond film look like high brow literature.  Here’s a taster:

As I was staying away from the tourist part of town there was no WiFi or internet cafes around so I decided to invest in a 3G dongle.  I’d been warned that they didn't work unless you are in a metro city but I had no choice.  I was walking passed a fancy new phone shop (they had the iPhone 5s a few days after it’s launch which is a big deal in India) I inquired about getting a 3g dongle.    According to the sharply dressed shop assistant who spoke perfect English I didn't need ID or to fill in an application form.  All seemed splendidly easy.  5 minutes later we’d established I did need a photocopy of my passport, I confirmed that was all I needed.  I later returned with the same saga for 2 passport photos.  5 minutes later I needed a second form of ID.  I ended up going back 5 times (including the next day).  And does it work?  No. 

I also stocked up on my last bit of Indian restaurant food.  Finding my favourite Masala Dosa spot at just 25RS (30 cents) for a Masala Dosa and Chai (breakfast of gurus ;) ) at a local Dhaba.  A Dhaba is a very basic restaurant in which strangers share tables to ensure the maximum amount of punters can squeeze in.  This is normally good fun, acknowledging your neighbour with a nod but this time my neighbour acknowledged me by coughing and sneezing all over my food.   People who go to Dhabas don’t usually have a packet of tissues in their pocket nor, based on this guy’s behavior any idea that sneezing on food isn't hygienic.  He continued.  Much as I love Masalsa Dosas, this one was left half eaten.

My next stop was KSV, a school I worked at from Oct 2012-Jan 2013 and a project I was very fond of based on the change it is making to the kids lives and the need they have right now for fundraising. I couldn't wait.

Ze French getting a beet Indian - Pondicherry

• Ze French being Indian
• Utopia in marble with croissants
• Trannies on a train 

What sort of a city has a nickname?!  A french one of course.  Pondicherry, or Pondy as it’s affectionately called by the locals.  Even sounds French don’t it?  The name originally comes from Putucceri (the Tamil words putu (“new”) andceri (“village”)).  According to the Britannica Encyclopedia, the French corrupted the name by calling it Pondicherry.  Well I disagree and think it’s a lovely name and a lovely place (and am not sure why the hell the Indian government renamed it again in 2006 to Puducherry but then again India does love pointless processes).

In the 48 hours prior to arriving in Pondy I’d spent 15 hours sitting on very bumpy buses and one all-nighter at an airport so after the final 5 hour bus ride from Chennai I decided to bling it up and stay in the most luxurious hotel I've stayed in in India.  I was told Pondy was a good place to get a bargain so I splashed out $30/night (the most I've spent in my whole time here apart from being ripped off last Christmas).  I got a suite.  $30US for a suite, Pondy certainly was a good place for a bargain.   After getting excited about the hot water and working plug sockets I had a quick nap then headed into the French Quarter.

The British Rule of India has lots of legacy in India such as the language, the law system and the railway none of which seem overtly English.  The French quarter in Pondy has french road signs, architecture, Indians sit sipping coffee (and this is not the rich ‘starbucks’ set), and upon seeing a white face they utter ‘Bonjour’.  To maintain the romance of the French culture there are no car horns, instead the rickshaws use squeaking horns, a delight to the senses.  J’ai adore J’ai adore!

Garcon, un cafe et un criossant 'masala' s'il vous plait!

I wasn't here for ze French.  I was on my way to KSV my next project where 90% of the volunteers are French  so I knew I'd get my topup of the sexy French vowels there.  I was in Pondy to see Auroville an experimental township setup by Mirra Alfassa or ‘The mother ‘as this French dame was locally called, a  follower and lead guide of Guru Sri Aurobindo.

The morning I left for Auroville I sat in the luxurious confines of the hotel lobby having a gorgeous Indian breakfast whilst reading the Matrimonial times.

A God fearing read......

I was happy to wait as I had a treat on order.  'Machine' washed clothes. Something I hadn't had in more than 3 months.  The previous day I’d handed in a bag of toxic garments.  I’d got to the stage where I would be wearing something long enough so that Indians wouldn't want to sit next to me on a bus; quite an achievement.  So when the receptionist walked over with a laundry back my senses jumped up in a land of Persil Automatic adverts.  There was a slight problem.  The bag was brand new but my clothes were still the same, toxic.   The guy wiggled his head and said “sorry sir rain yesterday no wash”.  There had been no rain.  He then handed me the bill wiggled his head and walked off smiling.  A bill for clothes that had not been cleaned.  10 minutes later the manager was in reception, I had a free lunch and a 1 hour express service cleaning done.  Maybe they were used to French tourists just shrugging their shoulders but I wanted my whites white god damn it!

I was very skeptical about Auroville, it sounded like a bunch of French hippies thinking they are better than everyone else.  Kinda similar to Paris.  I saw a lot of older French men on motorbikes with long locks of white hair flowing into the faces of their young Indian female companion.  For a minute I thought I was in Thailand, surely this couldn't work.  This is India.  Rural girls aren't even supposed to look at a white guy let alone sit on the back of a big vibrating engine with them. 

By the time I arrived at the visitor centre to get my ticket to visit the Matrimandir, the big golden golf ball surrounded by manicured gardens in the centre of town my mind was set.  It wasn't for me.  I hadn't seen one person give me a genuine smile and so was confused by all the messages saying ‘Evolution of a new consciousness, realize human unity’ muddying the waters.  However, I had set out with a negative view myself so I decided to give Matrimandir with it’s white polished inner meditation chamber a go.  And boy am I glad that I did. 

The Matrimandar tour is well organized.  It’s a 24 wait for your ticket to ensure it’s people who really want to see the site (it’s free) and then the tour is strictly managed with an excellent guide (Bob a guy in his 60s from London).    He explained the history, with town's objective being the "progress of humanity towards its splendid future by bringing together people of goodwill and aspiration for a better world."  It even has it's own governing board following an act from the Indian government. The township was started in 1968 with the goal to house 50,000 people, it's quite a long way off that now but it's growing every year.

The inner chamber is what people queue up to see.  It is the most amazing room I've ever been in .  Built to the exact plan as seen in a dream by ‘The Mother’.   I’m guessing she’d been to the multiplex to see TRON and had a few sherry’s the night before as the interior resembles the TRON filmset.  Down to the power-source which in the inner chamber is a beam of light coming from the ceiling. 

(not my photo.......no cameras allowed inside)

You are guided into the chamber after removing your shoes, been given white socks and told not to touch anything.  Meditating in the room is an awesomely powerful experience.  Regardless of whether you  are a spiritual person or not you cannot fail to recognize the power of this place.  It was the first meditation I've had in a room full of Indians that hadn't been interrupted by a fart so the feeling was obviously mutual.

There are +125 business units in Auroville that keep the town economy totally self sufficient from agriculture to software services and that’s where I started to see the process working.   I spent a few days driving around on a bike; just like those French hippies, admitted without the hair or the girl on the back.  

I was still in a trance from the inner chamber experience when I met with some friends who lived  in Auroville.  They described their life and the businesses, the one I spent the most time with Unlimited Tamil Nadi,  a social entrepreneur think tank.  Phrases such as ‘not earn a living but express yourself’ sounds impractical until you see it in practice.  I met the head of Ecofemme (washable sanitary pads) who I had included in the WaterAid India Fundraising plan as a potential partner (not knowing it was anything to do with Auroville) and visited the Spirulina farm only to discover when I saw the end product that I’d bought Auroville spirulina on the web.

A thought arose.  I could live here.  I am returning to Europe at the end of the year.  

However, I am going to consider Auroville as a possible option for my next move.

I left the peace of Auroville on the back of my hotel owner’s motorbike.  I’d been teaching his family yoga and got a lift to the train station in return.  Quite familiar on a bike as a driver or a passenger this was a surreal 15km journey.  Loaded with both backpack an front pack my knees touched other motoribikes and I felt the heat of metal from passing trucks whilst we leaned into potholes just once too many times.  A long way from the Auroville utopia and one of the safest places to drive in India, the roads in ‘normal’ India see c500,000 deaths on motorcycles every year.    

Next stop Mysore via a night train then local train.  The journey was quiet, aided by my neighbours offer of a few shots of ‘Old Monk’ rum.  The morning was the usual noise awakening of chai wallahs but this time we also had the local cross dressers on the train.  Called Hijras, they are an Indian community who beg by threatening curses.   I have friends who are cross dressers whose only curse is too much makeup but these guys made sure everybody felt quite uncomfortable by hissing at anyone who didn't cough up money.  I've only come across them a few times but it’s interesting to see how the majority of Indians just open up their superstitious purses and give in.  I was no match for them, if they think a chap wearing a bit of lipstick is going to scare me they need to have a night out in Temple Bar. Here's a library shot....