The East to West transition - Part II - Arriving back in Europe

• My mum the highlander pt II
• Toilet talk
• Internet Dating in England 
• Sex in Ireland

I've used a lot of toilets in India but in my last week I came across the top two in the below photo #worstindiantoiletexperience.  The urinals don't even have pipes connecting to a sewage system, you just golden shower your own feet.  I'm just glad I do alot of pranayama and can hold my breath for a long time!  At the other extreme were the new fancy toilets at Gatwick which surprised me when I arrived back in the UK.  I'm a big advocate of sanitation but Gatwick toilets are even posher than a 5 star hotel.  You get your own sink and hand-dryer.  Are we really becoming that insular or is this just a planner having an obsession with 'men's stage fright'?

One thing you definitely don't have to worry about in Gatwick is the smell of the toilets.  India is sometimes described as one big open sewer based on the sanitation issues but this group #cleanindian are looking to change that.....classic vid :)

The main reason I've come back to Europe is to be closer to my mum.  She has been fighting to get better but all the drugs she's on have now meant she's taking chemo to prevent cancer and her mental strength is staining.  Me being back gave her new courage though.  Private carers don't light incense sticks, put lavender oil on your pillow or make you the world's best porridge.  She'd missed this:

My Porridge 2.0 recipe:

+ Oats Soaked over night with soya (or your choice) milk, crushed cardamom and anise star (if you only have time to do one thing do that!) 

+ Cooked in the morning

+ Add - Nut muesli, prunes, sunflower seeds, coconut shreds, soya yoghurt, grated ginger, cacao nibs, chia seeds and honey.

+ Served with a smile :)

Food and love are the best medicine in the world and I saw a change within my first few days of being home.  She did, however, pull a bit of a stunt on my second morning.  She called me into her room and said that she had muddled up her pills (she's on +30/day including morphine, warfarine, steriods and chemo).  Instead of taking 7 steriod pills she'd taken 7 diazepam.  Looking at the packets it was an easy mistake when you're taking so many pills.  Now, I'd love that warm blanket feeling that a mild sleeping pill OD would give you but she's on a lot of drugs and has a very weak heart.  Luckily I'd just done 2 hours of yoga and been for a run and I was vanilla ice cool.  We called the ambulance and she was admitted into hospital for 5 hours monitoring.  The doctor came in at one point and said "so it's 2 hours after you took the 35mg of diazepam you should be at the peak now", she just said she felt a bit relaxed.  She didn't sleep until that evening.  My Mum, the Highlander :)

My time at my mum's was brief but enough to reassure me that coming home was a good thing.  I've bought her an iPad mini so I can facetime to her most days, although now she has it she often too busy talking to her mates to talk to me.  That's a good sign :)

My mum on her 70th Birthday......she'll be back looking like this again soon x

As I hadn't driven a car for 18 months I decided to split the 6 hour journey to Holyhead  (for my ferry back to Ireland) into two days, opting to stay in Newcastle Upon Lyme via Airbnb on the way.  My host was a gentlemen who within 5 minutes of me arriving kindly offered me a cup of tea and asked if I liked birds?  Before I'd had the chance to enquire as to whether he was referring to ornithology or women he told me all about his obsession with Ukrainian girls that he meets on the internet.  English women apparently 'are mingers' and 'don't appreciate us men' and, of course he knew how to treat birds.  Oh yes, Mr Airbnb was a legend.  I'll admit the photos of the girls he showed me were incredibly pretty but in the emails it was clear that Google translate was the person he was actually talking to.....

I asked him about the war and the fact that these girls were probably going through a very hard time and he simply said that he was their knight in shining armour.  Britain, Britain, Britain.  You do produce some very special people!

The rest of my trip was not quite as amusing.  I allowed 6 hours for my 3 hour journey to Holyhead and within 30 minutes was stuck in a traffic jam only to find out the M6 was closed due to an accident.  Lucky for me I have hours of David Deida Audiobooks but I missed my ferry by 30 minutes.  I didn't really care.  I don't have money to throw at new tickets right now but I was just glad that I had made it there safely and that I was on the way back to my home.  

Moving back into my house in Dublin was great.  Having been living out of one bag for a long time I felt like I was in a palace and soon realised that I didn't need 80% of the shite I own.  It's funny how despite my Egyptian cotton sheets, kingsize bed with remote lighting I didn't sleep as deeply or feel as rested as I had on a cheap camping bed in the Karnataka jungle of South India.  It's amazing how we are like kids in a sweet shop in the west, we get greedier the more things that are available to us and annoyed when we cannot have them and yet what do they really bring us?  Another funny example for me was my lovely high gloss shiny kitchen.  My tenants had left the place in good shape; apart from one kitchen door which they'd cleaned with a brillo pad.  Lucky for me I didn't get annoyed (seriously eejits though) I just thought ......it adds character ;)

Often when you travel in a developing country you are made to feel like a film star if you're from the west and India is probably the extreme.  Your peers are also more friendly ie. if you smile at a girl with a backpack on she'll smile back.  Despite Ireland being the most friendly country in the world I miss that.  A trip on the luas (tram) here see's a land of city dwellers all staring miserably at their smart phone, few smiles in sight.  And, smiling at a girl on the street, you feel like you've raped her eyes.  Shocker.  I heard a story about a backpacker who was singing a song in Goa titled 'in India I'm a sunkissed goa god; in England I'm just a wanker'.  That's how it feels.  

My first day out and about I went grocery shopping.  A trip to Lidl sounds simple enough and it's not like I hadn't been shopping in India.  I did 1/2 a blog on the retail delights of Delhi.  Anyway, on the way to Lidl I met with my +80 year old neighbour Breege stumbling out of a gentleman's car (10am in the morning.....Ab Fab Stlye), she was wearing an evening gown and had her lipstick all smudged.  Some people might call that the walk of shame but I've seen her a few mornings and high fived her.  Walk of Glory :) Lidl was busy and despite being used to chaos I'm finding 'structured' chaos quite odd.  I'd obviously let all that get to me as when I arrived at the checkout I realised after completing the Lidl Olympics (packing your bag as quick as you can on the 1 foot ledge - it's almost an Irish olympic sport) that I'd forgotten my wallet.  The nice man at the checkout told me he would keep my shopping behind the till and I could come back in the next hour.  I smiled and wobbled my head.  He looked at me as if I was BONKERS :)

In my first week back I stumbled upon a seminar on Sex.  I had a few meetings in town and was told about Creative Mornings so decided to head there first.  I felt like my first day at school, I didn't know what the feck to wear.  Looking out of the window, the sky was a stunning bright blue (for the last 18 months that had in the majority meant at least +20 degrees) but everyone was wearing work gear resembling a mountain trek.  I'd forgotten how unpredictable the weather in Ireland was and took a bag with the standard jacket/sunglasses combo.  The Creative Mornings chat was on Sex, a subject which I've studied alot in the last 18 months, namely on neo-tantra so I was curious to see if Ireland has progressed from it's 'foreplay is switching the lights off mentality'.  It hasn't.  

The talk was pretty informative, given by Sex Siopa a sex retailer.  Basic stuff about how sex isn't talked about so we should all get toys and have a play.  Sex Siopa's toys are innovative and fun.  I was, however, looking forward to the Q&A and didn't know that the format meant it was anonymous with questions like 'do you believe in the afterlife'.  Seriously, free coffee, croissants and a chance to talk about the most fun topic in the world and that's the best you can do?  

I know the presentation was a sales pitch but this was a 'creative morning' and surly that means to learn something and I think we all needed a reminder that although batteries are a good start, trust and love are a fundamental.  Get all three and you've got BINGO.  But I guess sales pitches are just about the easy target and love and trust are hard to find.  Something that was confirmed, when I was talking to some lads afterwards and they said 'nah, sure I don't want to make love I just wanna get mi hole and have a ride'.  That goes hand in hand with most of my friends here who when asking 'do you want to develop your sexual relationship with your partner further' have told me 'no who cares so long as I'm getting my hole'  It has a charming irish humour about it but us men really need to cop on that we need to change.  Please read my blog on neo tantra.   Btw, that doesn't mean I've got it sussed.....I'm single after all BUT I'd love to see more people follow this:

Part III coming soon:

• Yoga my saviour 
• I don't get the job
• Why you gotta love the Irish 
• How to feel every beat